Prey

Prey is the best Predator movie, and it's not even close. It succeeds on every level - the cinematography, the creature design, the story, all of it. It's just a beautiful movie from start to finish. Heck, it would have been an excellent film even without the Predator in it. They could have replaced the Yautja with a big bear or something, and it still would have been a good coming-of-age warrior's tale.

You know what, I'll go even farther - this is the only good Predator film. Which is not to say the others are bad, but even the best ones are generally "good for a sci-fi popcorn-muncher" or "good for a macho action/horror film." But Prey has no "good for x" qualifiers, it's just good cinema. What "The Dark Knight" did for superhero films, Prey does for Predator movies. It brings legitimacy to the genre.

But wait, no, I'm not done yet. I'll even say something that's going to shock some of my friends out of their shoes. Prey is a better movie than Aliens. No, I mean it. I love Aliens, and it's still my favorite film. And as you'll see at the bottom of this blog entry, I still rank Aliens number one. 

But if I'm going to be truly objective here, Prey is serious cinema in a way that Aliens is not. Rather than just keep the audience entertained with blood-pumping action and quotable quips, Prey does something rarely seen in either series. It's art. Every frame would look good on your wall. The Yautja has never looked better, the pacing is good, the camera angles, even the lighting.

Oh man, the lighting. That's a whole other rant. Movies are too dark these days. I hate directors who think we need realistic lighting. There's a story about filming LotR: The Two Towers where somebody asked the director where the light was coming from, since the battle was at night. He replied, "The same place the music is coming from." People have to remember that these are movies, and movies are more fun when we can see them. Prey has a few scenes set at night, and all of them are well-lit.

If I have one complaint about Prey, it's that some of the animals look obviously CGI. But they still look fantastic, and the CGI-ness actually helps me, because there's a lot of animal gore that would bother me if it looked too real.

When I started typing this review, I decided I'd update my ranking of the Aliens/Predator movies. I wrote the last one before I saw Alien: Romulus, so it needed updating anyway. In typing out the new list, I remembered I still hadn't seen The Predator (2018). I was planning to skip it entirely since it was so poorly reviewed. But then I decided I'd get it out of the way so I could rank it.

It's not as bad as I thought it would be, but it's definitely not good. The dialogue is often painful, and it has a lot of shallow comedy that feels out-of-place in a Predator film. The acting is ridiculous, like Power Rangers quality. The tone is uneven, and the climax is downright goofy. But it's got some fun action scenes, and overall it's still more entertaining than Alien 3.

And in related news, I've watched the first three episodes of Alien: Earth and I'm loving it so far. I'll blog more about it once it's finished. 

Ranking the Alien/Predator movies: 

1. Aliens (1986)
2. Alien (1979)
3. Prey (2022)
4. Alien: Romulus (2024)
5. Predators (2010)
6. Predator (1987)
7. Predator 2 (1990)
8. Alien vs. Predator (2004)
9. Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)
10. Alien Resurrection (1997)
11. Prometheus (2012)
12. Alien: Covenant (2017)
13. The Predator (2018) 
999. Alien 3 (1992) 

Ranking the Batman Films

Okay, this is hard, because so many of them are apples and oranges. So instead of going by quality, I’m mostly going by which ones I would actually take the time to sit down and watch today.

1. Batman Returns (1992)

This might be a hot take, but bite me. Batman Returns is the movie that really made me appreciate Tim Burton’s gothic style. It has my favorite Batman soundtrack, and my favorite theatrical Catwoman. I’m not fond of this version of the Penguin, but you can’t have everything.

2. Batman (1989)

I have a soft spot for this movie. It came out at exactly the right time in my life, it was a cultural phenomenon, and it was hugely influential to future super hero movies.

3. The Dark Knight (2008)

This is probably the most legitimate super hero movie ever made. I can’t put it higher because it’s so heavy. I mean, I can’t just pop it into the Blu-Ray player for fun. It’s too… good.

4. The Batman (2022)

Thoroughly enjoyable, and sets a new standard for Batman movies.

5. Batman Forever (1995)

While this was the beginning of the end for the 90s series, it struck a great balance between flashy and dark. It’s too bad the follow-up movie dropped the dark altogether.

6. Batman Begins (2005)

I feel like this deserves to be higher, but it’s just not as fun as it was when it first came out. Impressive movie, but it became boring after a few rewatches.

7. The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

A good, solid movie, but the weakest of the Nolan trilogy.

8. Batman: The Movie (1966)

Pure, campy fun.

9. Batman & Robin (1997)

Dirty rotten franchise killer! Still, fun to watch if you’re in the right mood.

10. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

My Favorite Games Redux

A couple of years ago, I posted a list of my all-time favorite games. While that list still holds up, I think it represents more of what I consider my "ideal" favorite games, rather than the games I would actually go back and play again.

I mean sure, I still consider Super Metroid to be the best video game of all time. But a lot of that is nostalgia and a general fondness for the game's universe. Realistically - here, now, and today - would I really be more likely to sit down and play Super Metroid than something more contemporary?  Probably not.

 

So here's my new list. The following games are ones that I actually keep going back to, sometimes years apart. Most of these are games I've purchased and played on multiple consoles or computers, and have owned both physically and digitally. These are the games I would take if was stranded alone on a deserted island. These are the games I would save if a computer virus threatened to wipe out all other games from existence.

 

Most of these also appeared on my previous list, but this time they're in a different order. For the most part, I will only include one entry from a series. This is because some sequels make the earlier games in the series obsolete. I put months of my life into The Sims 3, but I never touched it again once I started playing The Sims 4.

 

I'm going to focus on single player games for this list. Sure, Street Fighter II has earned its place in video game history, and we all have fond memories of the original Gauntlet. But the truth is, I don't game with friends very often. And when I do, we usually just gravitate to whatever multiplayer game is newest, rather than going back to the classics. Heck, offline multiplayer games don't even have to be good, they just have to enhance the time we spend together.

 

I'm also not including any puzzle games like Tetris or Bejeweled, even though I've put a lot of time into them. When it comes to single player puzzle games, I tend to think of them as ways to pass the time in a waiting room, and I'm just as likely to try a new one as I am to replay an old favorite.

 

I'm also excluding compilation games (like Super Mario All-Stars or Mega Man Legacy Collection) because I feel like that would be cheating. Individual games only.

 

Anyway, that's enough exposition. On with the list!

 

 

15. Dungeon Siege

    Owned on: PC (Disc/Steam)

    This is just mindless point-and-click fun. The sequels are better, and Torchlight outshines the Dungeon Siege series in every way, but there's something about the simplicity of the original Dungeon Siege that makes me want to reinstall it now and then. This is an RPG for when I don't have time for an RPG, and just want to cut a swath of destruction through enemy hordes.

       

14. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

    Owned on: XBox, PC (Disc/Steam)

    I've installed and played through this game several times. The graphics haven't aged well, but remasters are coming, and I do intend to play through it again. This is the best non-theatrical Star Wars story I've seen, with a twist every bit as mind-blowing as the one in Empire Strikes Back.

 

13. Bionic Commando (NES Version)

    Owned on: NES, Gameboy, GBA (In "Capcom Classics Mini-Mix"), 360 and PC (Steam): "Rearmed" Version

    While I may have blasted the arcade version, the NES version of Bionic Commando is a delightful classic. It helps that it's been remade with better graphics, but even the NES version still has its charm. This is weird, but I've always had a thing for grappling hooks, ever since Luke used one in the first Star Wars movie. Video games with grappling hooks are especially fun, and Bionic Commando uses its grab-and-swing mechanic to great success.

 

12. Life is Strange

    Owned on: PS4, PC (Steam/GOG)

    It was difficult to restrain myself from putting multiple Life is Strange games on this list. It was even harder to decide which one deserved the spot most. The prequel has some of my favorite scenes, and the newest one has the best script, but ultimately I'm going to have to go with the original. It has the best plot, with all the time travel and the gut-wrenching decisions.

 

11. Dragon Age: Origins

    Owned on: 360, PC (Steam/Origin)

    Dragon Age is basically Knights of the Old Republic in a medieval fantasy world. But it ends up being way more exciting, IMO. I've played through this one at least four times, and I could easily see going through it again.

 

10. Super Metroid

    Owned on: SNES, Wii (Virtual Console), SNES Classic

    I've been in love with the Metroid series ever since I first found out Samus Aran's true identity. I love the sci-fi setting, the upgradable power armor, and the exploration. However, the original game has aged badly, and some of the later games leaned into aspects I don't enjoy, such as overly-long boss fights. Super Metroid, the third game in the series, is the best compromise between graphics and classic gameplay. Honestly it was a bit of a toss-up between this and Zero Mission, but the SNES holds a special place in my heart. I often say that Super Metroid is my all-time favorite game, but as you can see there are other games I'd be more likely to pick up and play.

   

9. Mega Man 2

   Owned on: NES, 3DS/PC (Steam): in "Mega Man Legacy Collection"

   Capcom always knew how to get the most out of the NES. The Mega Man games had vibrant colors, memorable character designs, and a creative premise. You have a character who can absorb his enemies' weapons, you can tackle the stages in any order, and you have near perfect controls. The Mega Man games are some of the most solid side-scrolling action games in the history of video games. And for my money, Mega Man 2 was the pinnacle of the series. It had great stage design and some of the most interesting bosses. Later Mega Man games sometimes felt like they were just going through the motions, but Mega Man 2 is inspired.

 

8. Final Fantasy VI

   Owned on: SNES, GBA, PC (Steam), SNES Classic, Android

   This was the first console RPG I really liked. I'd always shied away from games like Ultima and Dragon Warrior because they looked boring. At the time I felt like video games should test your manual dexterity, and having your attacks based on math just sounded dull. But then I read a glowing review of Final Fantasy III (the American name of FFVI for the SNES), and it convinced me to at least rent it. It seriously blew me away. The way these primitive little sprites could convey so much emotion, the sheer enormity of the plot, the huge variety in the way different characters worked... it all added up to something huge. And not to mention the length. Just when you think you've beaten the game, the bad guy shows up and destroys the world, and you realize... this game's only half over.

 

7. Crazy Climber

   Owned on: PS4

   This is one of the few games on this list that I've only bought once, but it's not for lack of trying. Crazy Climber was the first arcade game I really fell in love with as a child. I must have really tested my parents' patience, always making them drive across town for the one arcade that had Crazy Climber in it. I always wanted it for home consoles, even though I knew it would lose part of its charm - without twin joysticks, it just wouldn't have been the same game. It didn't matter, though, since it never seemed to come out for any consoles I owned. I'm just glad that when I finally managed to play it again as an adult, it was on a system with twin joysticks. And it holds up. Sure, the graphics are positively ancient, but like Pac-Man and Dig Dug, the visuals are exactly as good as they need to be. It was one of the first games I bought for my PS4, and I still keep coming back to it now and then.

 

6. Super Mario World

   Owned on: SNES, Wii (Virtual Console), SNES Classic

   I knew there had to be a Mario game on this list, but it was hard to decide which one. I didn't want to include Mario Maker because I consider it a multiplayer game - one of the best motivations to design cool levels is to show them off to other people. So it really boiled down to Super Mario Bros 3 and Super Mario World. But I have found over the years that I am a little bit more likely to go back and play Super Mario World. The controls are tight, the graphics are colorful, and every level is just pure, undistilled fun.

 

5. Chrono Trigger

   Owned on: SNES, DS, PC (Steam), Android

   Where do I even begin? Time travel! Multiple endings! Double and Triple Techs! A "New Game Plus" feature that gives the game infinite replayability! A lot of JRPGs lose their charm once you beat them, but Chrono Trigger is one of those games I can keep playing forever. It never hit me emotionally as much as the Final Fantasy games, but it's so much more fun. Honestly, in what other game can your party consist of a robot, a cavewoman, and a frog?

 

4. Super Castlevania IV

   Owned on: SNES, Wii (Virtual Console), SNES Classic, PS4/PC (Steam): in "Castlevania Anniversary Collection"

   Oddly, this is probably one of the less popular Castlevania games. It's not as nostalgia-inducing as the NES games, and it's not a "Metroidvania" like some of the other games in the series. It's basically a generic action game with a Castlevania theme. And I love that. There's no story to get bogged down in, there's no running back and forth to collect powerups, it's just a fun afternoon whipping monsters. It has gorgeous graphics and an excellent soundtrack. The controls are fantastic, with a multi-directional whip you can even use like a grappling hook in some places. It's just a solid platformer that I can pick up and play whenever I want.

 

3. Saints Row IV

   Owned on: PC (Steam), PS4

   This is one of the newer games to make this list, but I think it will stand the test of time. I believe this because before I tried the Saints Row series, I was resintalling GTA3 and/or Vice City every few years. But SR4 outshines those GTA games in every possible way, and it adds character customization, humor, and sci-fi elements. Open world games always have more replay value than other games, and SR4 is the best GTA-style game I've played. It's one of those games where I can spend hours driving around town or jumping from building to building, ignoring actual missions in favor of self-imposed challenges.

 

2. The Sims 4

   Owned on: PC (Origin)

   The Sims games have always been a guilty pleasure. In no other game can I spend so much time accomplishing nothing. It's one of those games I can play for an entire weekend, sun up to sun down, and then not play again for a year. The first Sims game came out more than 20 years ago, and I would bet good money that I've played a Sims game at least once a year ever since that first release. When your real life is having a downturn, nothing beats living vicariously through your digital avatars.

 

1. Skyrim

   Owned on: PC (Steam), PS4

   I know people tend to think that Skyrim is overhyped, or has at least outworn its welcome, but honestly? It's the one game I can always go back to, time after time. It's my comfort game. I've beaten the main storyline at least twice, spent hundreds of hours on sidequests, and yet I'm positive I've only seen half the game. I can't tell you how much time I've spent just running through the countryside, seeing what pops up. Admittedly the actual dungeons are a bit repetitive, but I can always find something to do that keeps me entertained.

 

 

And there you have it. Sometimes I don't think I know myself as much as I should. I've spent a lot of money buying classic games, trying to recapture my youth, only to see those games gather virtual dust in my Steam account. But the above list represents my actual gaming habits, not counting the weekly matches of "Beach Buggy Racing 2" and "Puyo Puyo Tetris 2" I play with my wife, or the solitaire I play on my phone when I go to the doctor.

 

Just those last three games - Saints Row IV, Sims 4, and Skyrim - could probably keep me satisfied for many more years, especially if I have access to mods. Sure, new games are nice, but there's something about replaying old favorites that just makes me feel whole.

What If...?

Did you really think I wasn't going to gush over this show?  Uatu know better than that.  Seriously, this is my favorite Marvel TV series so far.  I always loved the "What If...?" comic book series, along with DC's "Elseworlds" comics - I just love seeing alternate versions of my favorite heroes.  It's like a Marvel-themed Twilight Zone.  

The concept is awesome.  Take stories you know so well, change one element, and see where the butterfly effect takes you.  Sometimes they ask something obvious, like in the first episode where Peggy Carter gets the super soldier serum.  Then we have the second episode asking what if Black Panther had been Star-Lord - something no Marvel fan had ever wondered.  And yet both episodes are brilliant.  In fact, several times I've been dubious when I saw the title of an episode, but the episode itself turned out to be great.

I also love that they're sticking to the MCU films here.  It gives all viewers a common ground, so that nobody has to have read "Sub-Mariner vs She-Hulk issue 143" to understand where the plot deviates.  I hear they're already working on season 2, and planning to add new seasons annually.  This surprises me.  You'd think they'd want to wait for another decade of movies they can draw from, instead of mining the same films for ideas over and over.  

As of this blog, there's 25 MCU films to draw from.  But that pales in comparison to the thousands of stories the "What If...?" comic series had to draw from.  Season 2 is probably already too far along to include elements from Shang-Chi or The Eternals, so it will be another season of stories from the same characters that were in season 1.  That's fine, as long as they pick good stories, but I can't wait for new blood.  Just think what resources they'll have once the MCU has some X-Men and Fantastic Four movies under its belt.

I'm just afraid we're going to get too many variations of "What if (Hero A) had the powers of (Hero B)?" or "What if (Hero) became evil?" with the occasional "What if (Villain) got the Infinity Stones?"  Not that it wouldn't be entertaining, but it could get tedious after a while.  But hopefully my worries are groundless.  

The animation is beautiful.  I love the style.  I saw someone on YouTube complaining about the animation the other day, and frankly I'm starting to think some people shouldn't be allowed to have opinions.  

Anyway, here's my ranking of the first Season of Marvel's "What If...?"

1. S01E01 "What If... Captain Carter Were the First Avenger?"

There's a good reason they made this the first episode.  Agent Carter as Cap is iconic.  You can slap her on the front of a DVD cover and instantly understand what the series is about.  Plus I love female versions of male heroes.  Rumor has it they're planning on continuing her story, putting one Captain Carter episode in each season. Personally I'd rather she just got a spin-off.

2. S01E03 "What If... the World Lost Its Mightiest Heroes?" 

So it's a bit dark, but I found this murder mystery very compelling.  I also loved how it kept showing iconic scenes from the movies, but from other characters' perspectives, giving us another view of the universe.

3. S01E02 "What If... T'Challa Became a Star-Lord?" 

Crazy idea, fun episode.  I loved how charming T'Challa's was, and seeing Thanos as a hero was great.  It took an army of heroes to defeat Thanos in Endgame, but T'Challa could have prevented the whole mess if he'd had the chance to give Thanos a good talking to.

4. S01E05 "What If... Zombies?!" 

I wasn't expecting to like this one, but I was pleasantly surprised.  Zombie stories are a dime-a-dozen these days.  The humor really saved it.

5. S01E07 "What If... Thor Were an Only Child?" 

This light-hearted romp was a nice change of pace after multiple downer episodes.  I'm glad they let loose and did a comedy episode, and I'm also glad they didn't do it often.

6. E09 "What If... the Watcher broke is Oath?"

I liked the epicness of this episode, and the way it tied up a lot of loose ends from earlier episodes.  I liked how it made its own version of the Avengers using alternate versions of existing characters.  Unfortunately, certain parts of the episode dragged on a bit.  Even some of the fights were kind of boring.  

7. S01E04 "What If... Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?" 

An interesting episode, but dark and depressing.

8. S01E08 "What If... Ultron Won?" 

Actually letting Uatu be a major part of the story was a nice twist, but I hope they don't do it often.  It bugs me a little that they're giving these continuity, I prefer anthology shows to be unconnected.  The absolute worst episodes of "The Outer Limits" were the clip shows that tried to shoehorn several previous episodes into having a connected plot.  I don't want "The Adventures of Uatu", I just want to see cool alternate realities.

9. S01E06 "What If... Killmonger Rescued Tony Stark?"  

Easily the most forgettable episode so far, but not bad.  

And while I'm here... Ranking the Disney / Marvel Studios shows:

1. What If... ?
2. WandaVision
3. Loki
4. The Falcon and the Winter Soldier

Ranking the DCEU

1. Wonder Woman (2017)
2. Aquaman (2018)
3. Shazam! (2019)
4. The Suicide Squad (2021)
5. Suicide Squad (2016)
6. Birds of Prey (2020)
7. Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
8. Justice League (2017)
9. Man of Steel (2013)
10. Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021)
11. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

This one is kind of hard, because honestly, none of these movies are as good as the MCU.  That really pains me, because I grew up liking DC more than Marvel.  I'm hoping the upcoming Flashpoint movie reboots things in a way that allows future DC movies to be, well, fun.  That's not asking for too much, is it?  Superhero movies that actually make me smile?

I've already blogged about most of these movies, but here's some specific notes.  In release date order, with links to my original blogs (if I blogged them):

Man of Steel (2013) - Not terrible, but it was overly long and dull.  Superman is supposed to be full of optimism, but this movie shoots for more gritty realism.  But the bigger sin is that it set the tone for this entire series of movies.  Want to know why the DCEU never reached the heights of the MCU?  Bad foundation.  

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016) - AAAAAAAUUUUUUGGH!  'nuff said.

Suicide Squad (2016) - Fun, quirky, but suffered a lot from bad editing and the lackluster ending.

Wonder Woman (2017) - The closest the DCEU comes to a perfect movie, but it kind of runs out of steam halfway through.  I wish the villain had been cooler.

Justice League (2017) - Kind of fun, but full of flaws.

Aquaman (2018) - I debated on whether this should be number one.  Both this and WW are strong movies, maybe the only two A-list movies in the series, but Aquaman felt sort of silly in ways Wonder Woman did not.  It was a tough call.

Shazam! (2019) - Again, DC just can't make a perfect movie.  Who is this for?  On the one hand, it's light-hearted and feels like a kid's movie.  On the other hand, it has some of the scariest scenes in the entire DCEU.  But it is fun, like a Shazam movie should be, and a lot more entertaining than most of the movies on this list.

Birds of Prey (2020) - A beautiful mess.  This has the distinction of being the last movie I saw in a theater, and isn't that sad?  Overall, I liked it, but they really didn't know what they were doing here.

Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) - I really wanted this one to be better, but there's just too many flaws.  Gal Gadot is as amazing as ever, but the story just isn't very good.

Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021) - Of the two Justice League cuts, this one is the better movie.  But it's less fun than the theatrical cut, and that's why it's farther down the list.

The Suicide Squad (2021) - I'm not even sure if this counts as a DCEU movie, as it's sort of considered a soft reboot.  But there's no reason it can't exist in the same universe as the films that came before it.  Anyway, it's worth seeing.

Ranking the Aliens/Predator Movies

1. Aliens (1986)
2. Alien (1979)
3. Predators (2010)
4. Predator (1987)
5. Predator 2 (1990)
6. Alien vs. Predator (2004)
7. Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)
8. Alien Resurrection (1997)
9. Prometheus (2012)
10. Alien: Covenant (2017)
11. Alien 3 (1992)

I was waiting to post this until I'd seen all of them.  I just watched Alien: Covenant today.  I still have not seen 2018's "The Predator", but I doubt I ever will, so I just left it off the list.  No big loss, from what I hear, it would be toward the bottom of the list anyway.

Some specifics:

Aliens is still one of my all-time favorite movies.  But I've already gushed about it on several blogs already, so 'nuff said.

Alien still holds up as an excellent horror film.  Smart, suspenseful, and genuinely scary.

Predators is the best Predator movie, even outshining the original.  The action, special effects, pacing - it's just an all around good time.

The original Predator is basically "Alien set in the jungle," and that's okay.  It still does a better job of being an Alien movie than the later Alien movies do.

Predator 2 is kind of forgettable, but I still enjoyed it.

AVP and AVP Requiem are pure fanservice.  They don't even pretend to make sense if you're not a fan of both franchises.  I wouldn't call either one a good movie, but "versus" movies don't have to be.  Nobody went to see Freddy Vs. Jason expecting Shakespeare.

Alien Resurrection is just... okay.  Nothing I'd watch over and over, but it's solid.

Prometheus and Alien: Covenant... Okay, here's the thing.  In 1979, budding director Ridley Scott filmed an excellent sci-fi horror movie.  It was his second film, and it put him well on his way to being one of the big names in movies.  Now, I have a theory - Now that Scott is such a big name serious director, I think he's a little embarrassed that one of his most popular movies is basically a slasher movie.

Like I said above, Alien is a smart movie.  But when you really look at it, it is basically Friday the 13th in space.  There's nothing wrong with that... unless you're a pretentious director who doesn't want to admit he ever did anything lowbrow.  So what if, instead of disowning such a well-known movie, he tried to lend legitimacy to it with a couple of heavy-handed prequels?  

The Alien prequels try to hit you over the head with deeper themes about the origins of life, but the truth is, they're also still slasher films.  Ridley Scott does what he does best - makes movies much slower than they needed to be, and tries to give them meaning.  But I don't need Alien to have deeper meaning, I just want to watch xenomorphs eat people.

The worst part about the prequels is they don't fit the rest of the series.  Alien can either belong in the same universe as its sequels, or it can belong in the same universe as its prequels, but not both.  And the Cameron version of the Alienverse is much cooler than the Scott version.  I hope I live to see the day when someone like James Cameron gets their hands on the franchise again.

Alien 3 is still crap.

Ranking the Nightmare on Elm Street Movies

Ranking movies is fun, and I would like to do more blogs that rank movies of a series.  However, I have strict criteria that prevents me from making all the lists I'd like.  My two rules:
1. I have to have seen every single film in the series.
2. There needs to be at least six movies in the series.  I picked six arbitrarily, but less than that just doesn't feel like enough to be worth ranking.

A friend suggested I rank the Friday the 13th movies.  The problem is, I don't like most of them, so the bottom six or so would probably be tied with each other.  Plus, I don't think I've seen the 2009 reboot, so I would be violating rule #1.  I considered Alien, but I still haven't seen Covenant.  Plus I'd want to combine it in the same list as the Predator franchise, and I haven't seen the most recent Predator either.

I'm also behind on the most recent releases for the Halloween and Terminator franchises as well.  Some would say I'm better off, that most of these recent entries would be at the bottom of the list anyway, but I'm not going to cheat on these lists.

So until I either catch up or think of another prolific film series to rank, here's my list of the best Freddy Krueger movies.

1) A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors
2) A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
3) Wes Craven's New Nightmare
4) Freddy vs. Jason
5) Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare
6) A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010 reboot)
7) A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master
8) A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child
9) A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge

More details:

1) A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors - This is the peak of the series.  It has the perfect balance of scary imagery and comic one-liners.  It has some of the most iconic scenes in the series, and the special effects were decent for the time, too.

2) A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) - The original movie still holds up.  There's some bad SFX in there, and they hadn't quite figured out Freddy's personality yet, but it's a solid slasher movie if you're into that.

3) Wes Craven's New Nightmare - After the series peaked at 3, Freddy became less scary with each movie, and was more of a comedic character than anything.  New Nightmare managed to actually make him scary again.  Plus, I like sort of fourth wall, "movie within a movie" theme.

4) Freddy vs. Jason - I'm a sucker for crossovers.  I'm probably giving this movie more credit than it deserves, but I do appreciate how faithful it was to both characters, right down to each having their own theme music. 

5) Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare - The series had leaned heavy into comedy by this point, and I can't say this is a good movie.  But it was surreal enough to be entertaining, and at the very least it's my favorite of the bad movies.

6) A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010 reboot) - I barely remember the reboot.  It was serviceable, but didn't leave much of a mark.

7) A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master - Four and five are actually tied for me, and the scenes in both movies run together.  At this point the series was just, "Let's see what funny death scenes we can think of."  They needn't have bothered having a plot at all, the teens buying tickets just wanted to see gore.

8) A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child - See above.

9) A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge - This one is bad, but almost enjoyable if you want a good laugh.  They hadn't really decided what direction the series was going to go yet, and this one feels very out of place when compared to the rest of the series.

Ranking the Star Trek Films

I saw some people were ranking the Star Trek films, so I thought I'd join in the fun.  I have a hard time ranking anything that's covers such a long span of time, because I have to weigh sentimentality versus rewatchability.  Plus some of the movies are wildly different genres, so it's like comparing apples and oranges.  But this is as close as I can get:

1) Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
2) Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home
3) Star Trek: First Contact
4) Galaxy Quest
5) Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
6) Star Trek (2009)
7) Star Trek: Generations
8) Star Trek Into Darkness
9) Star Trek III: The Search for Spock
10) Star Trek V: The Final Frontier
11) Star Trek: The Motion Picture
12) Star Trek Beyond
13) Star Trek: Nemesis
14) Star Trek: Insurrection

So, some specifics:

1) Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan - This one gets the gold because it ranks high on both sentimentality and rewatchability.  It has good pacing, it's quotable, and it stands the test of time.  Khan is still one of the best villains of any franchise.

2) Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home - Star Trek struggles on the big screen, because the TV's tone and pace don't always translate into blockbuster films.  Some Star Trek films add more action, some add higher stakes drama, but Star Trek IV leaned heavy into comedy.  And somehow, it worked.

3) Star Trek: First Contact - This one might be personal bias.  I was a latecomer to Star Trek, so Next Generation is my favorite series.  This is the best of the NextGen films, and features the best of NextGen's villains, the Borg. 

4) Galaxy Quest - Yeah, the fourth best Star Trek film isn't a Star Trek film, bite me.  But it does a stellar job as both a parody and an homage, making fun of Trek and its fans without being cruel.

5) Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country - Just a good, solid movie.  This one is special to me because it's the first Star Trek film I saw in the theater after becoming a Trekkie.  (I had seen first two movies in the theater as a kid, but I didn't like Star Trek then.)

6) Star Trek (2009) - A few years ago I saw Marina Sirtis and Michael Dorn at a comic convention.  Somebody asked them how they felt about the reboot movies.  They weren't fans.  They said that the TV shows usually have some sort of message, but that the movies were just flashy action with no message.  I agree, but I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing.  The 2009 reboot is sleek and shiny, and not nearly as deep as the TV shows, but it does its job well.  It shows us that Star Trek movies can be summer blockbusters with broader appeal, as long as they abandon what Star Trek was all about in the first place.  I think there's a place in this world for both styles of Star Trek.

7) Star Trek: Generations - This one's just fanservice, but that's okay.  Star Trek fans are often the type of people who enjoy fanservice the most.  I'm pulling this statistic out of my ass, but there was a time when 90% of Star Trek fanfiction involved crossovers with other TV shows.  (I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I had a Star Trek / X-Men comic book.)  So having the generations meet was a no-brainer.  It's not a great movie, but it was a fun way to pass the theatrical torch.

8) Star Trek Into Darkness - A lot of people don't like this one, due to the clumsy handling of its fanservice.  They're not wrong.  It wasn't the best way to reintroduce Khan.  But if you get past that (and some other minor nitpicks), it's a fun movie.  Cumberbatch is a terrific villain no matter what you call him, and overall it's a decent film as long as you don't think about how it relates to the rest of the Star Trek franchise.

9) Star Trek III: The Search for Spock - First off, let me just say that there isn't a single Star Trek film I hate.  But around here is where my list goes from "fun to watch on a Friday night with a big tub of popcorn" to "I would leave it on as background noise while I play Sims 4 on my laptop."  Search for Spock is a utilitarian movie.  It does a serviceable job of tying up the loose ends from Star Trek II, but it doesn't do much else for me.  I do like Christopher Lloyd as a Klingon, though.

10) Star Trek V: The Final Frontier - I have to say, "What would God need with a starship?" is one of my favorite lines in a Star Trek movie.  Beyond that, there's just not much here to write home about.

11) Star Trek: The Motion Picture - I vaguely remember seeing this in the theater (I was six) and being bored.  I watched it again when I was seventeen, and it was still pretty boring, but I can imagine how cool it might have been to a Star Trek fan.  People who loved the original series, and were then starved for ten years, only to see it return on the big screen with more expensive special effects - it had to be an experience.  I like the twist - that V'ger is Voyager - but beyond that it's a slog.

12) Star Trek Beyond - I saw it once in the theater and forgot about it.  I remember some of the imagery, but I actually had to go to Wikipedia to be reminded of the plot.  And wow, it turns out I remember even less than I thought.  I do remember having fun, but it obviously isn't the most memorable movie.

13) Star Trek: Nemesis - Honestly I barely remember this movie at all.  I didn't hate it, but there just wasn't much to love.  I remember reading at the time that it was written by a Star Trek fan, who was trying to give Picard an arch enemy as compelling as Khan.  If they were going to emulate Khan, they should have used an enemy from the NextGen series, someone who has an established reason to hate Picard.  For example, Gul Madred from "Chain of Command". 

14) Star Trek: Insurrection - And finally, we have the reason you shouldn't use TV plots for movie scripts.  Insurrection is a perfectly fine story.  It feels like a dozen other episodes of the NextGen TV series.  But that's all.  I came out of it feeling like I'd just spent $20 to see something I could have seen on TV.  If it had actually been shown as an episode of the series, it would have been a decent episode.  But there was just nothing theatrical about it, nothing that warranted a big screen budget or leaving the house.  But it also proves that even the worst Star Trek movie is still a pretty good time.

Ranking the Star Wars Movies

A few months ago, everyone was ranking the Star Wars films.  I wanted to wait until Rise of Skywalker to post mine.  Note that I’m only ranking theatrical films here.

1. Return of the Jedi
2. A New Hope
3. Empire Strikes Back
4. The Rise of Skywalker
5. The Force Awakens
6. Rogue One
7. Revenge of the Sith
8. Attack of the Clones
9. Solo
10. The Last Jedi
11. The Phantom Menace
12. The Clone Wars

Some notes…

1. Return of the Jedi:
Okay, yes, I like RotJ best, have at me.  I know a lot of Star Wars purists don’t like it because it rehashes the “blow up the Death Star” plot from ANH, and also because their testicles will shrivel off if they admit they think Ewoks are cute.  But RotJ also has Jabba the Hutt, the Rancor, the Sarlacc pit, speeder bikes, a huge space battle, Ackbar’s legendary line, Boba Fett actually fighting instead of just standing around, and a top notch lightsaber duel.

2. A New Hope:
A New Hope should really be at the top of the list.  After all, it is the quintessential Star Wars movie.  It deserves the honor just for being so groundbreaking.  But honestly?  I can no longer watch it over and over like I can the others.  I just know it too well.  As much as I love it, it’s so ingrained in me I might as well watch a blank wall and imagine the movie.  There’s nothing new in the background to notice, there’s no nuances to catch.  That’s why I like the Special Editions – not because they’re actually better, but because there’s new things to see.

3. The Empire Strikes Back:
Yeah, sure, most people like ESB best.  I don’t blame them, it’s a solid movie with a great script.  But to me, it just doesn’t feel like enough happens in that movie.  The cynic in me thinks that the reason ESB is so popular is because the bad guys win, and human beings are basically miserable little black-hearted trolls who like to see evil triumph because it gives them hope for their own lives.

4. The Rise of Skywalker:
This one's so fresh on my mind, it could go up or down this list in the future.  I mean, I loved The Phantom Menace when I first saw it, but the flaws stood out more and more with time.  Still - and I might eat these words later - I think Rise of Skywalker is going to stand the test of time.

5. The Force Awakens:
Yeah, yeah, it's basically a remake of A New Hope, but so frakking what.  I like ANH, but as I said above, it's boring now.  TFA is much prettier telling of the story.

6. Rogue One:
I thought a lot of this movie was boring, but the ending makes up for it.  A lot of people were turned off by the CGI actors, but Star Wars has always been about experimenting with technology.  The original trilogy pushed the limits of what they could do with miniatures and prosthetics.  The Special Editions and the prequels did the same for CGI, for good or ill.  One of the prequels was the first film ever shot entirely digitally.  The Force Awakens showed us how CGI can coexist with practical effects so well that it’s hard to tell the difference.  Plus, BB-8 was kind of an engineering marvel.  Defending Star Wars always feels like defending NASA.  You know, it’s not about sending people into space.  It’s about all the technological breakthroughs it takes to get someone into space, and how those breakthroughs can also be applied to everyday life.

7. Revenge of the Sith:
I rank Episodes 2 and 3 about the same.  But while AotC takes a while to get going, RotS is exciting pretty much from the start.  So RotS just barely beats AotC.

8. Attack of the Clones:
This one starts out slow, but the last forty-five minutes or so is great fun.  Some of the special effects aren’t aging well, though.  Some of the shots of the clone troopers look straight out of Battlefront.

9. Solo:
I thought Solo was much better than people gave it credit for.  It wasn't great, it wasn't bad, it was just fun and pointless.  Yes, it spends a little too much time on fan service, showing how every aspect of Han Solo's being came into existence.  But I'm glad there's finally a canon, on-film explanation of the "12 parsecs" thing, so people can finally stop making fun of Han's line in ANH.  And young Lando was spot-on perfect; it's a shame he didn't get his own spin-off movie.

10. The Last Jedi:
You know that feeling when you’re about 85% of the way through Skyrim, and you decide you want to finish up a bunch of the side quests before you get back to the main story?  That’s how I feel watching TLJ.  It’s a perfectly entertaining movie, but it always feels like something more important is happening somewhere else.

11. The Phantom Menace:
I’ll say this, I loved opening night.  We had friends who spent days in line to buy tickets.  My wife and I decided to wait and see it when it was less crowded.  But on opening night we changed our mind, and managed to find a theater that still had tickets available.  The energy was electrifying.  Star Wars fans everywhere, some in costume, it was awesome.  As far as the movie itself is concerned… well, the pod racing is kind of neat.  And that lightsaber fight is still one of the best scenes in the series.  But overall it’s a bit boring.

12. The Clone Wars:
I was going to just list the live action movies, but I figured, hey, I saw Clone Wars in the theater, I might as well put it on the list.  As a pilot for the TV series, it was serviceable, but the decision to release it theatrically was baffling.  There is no reason a movie about rescuing Jabba’s baby should have made it to the theaters.  Also?  I didn’t care for the CGI style they used, where everybody looked like they were carved out of wood.  I prefer the earlier, “Samurai Jack”-style Clone Wars cartoons.

Ranking the Marvel Cinematic Universe

Here’s my current ranking of the MCU movies, best to worst.  This list changes constantly, and not just when new MCU movies come out.  Several of them are probably actually ties, and I could go back and forth on different days of the week.
Updated 7/4/2019:

1. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

2. Thor: Ragnarok

3. Guardians of the Galaxy

4. Doctor Strange

5. Captain America: Civil War

6. Avengers: Infinity War

7. Avengers: Endgame

8. The Avengers

9. Spider-Man: Far From Home

10. Spider-Man: Homecoming

11. Iron Man

12. Black Widow

13. Captain Marvel

14. Captain America: The First Avenger

15. Ant-Man and the Wasp

16. Ant-Man

17. Avengers: Age of Ultron

18. Iron Man 3

19. Captain America: The Winter Soldier

20. Black Panther

21. Thor

22. The Incredible Hulk

23. Iron Man 2

24. Thor: The Dark World

My So-Called Gaming Cred

Note: I have an updated version of this list here.

My All-Time Favorite Games:
That's hard to answer, because I like such variety of genres.  Here's the ones I've enjoyed most.  To keep this list from filling up with Metroid sequels, I’m arranging it more by genre.  For each game, I've listed Runners-Up for similar games that also took a lot of my time.

13. Life is Strange (Best Storytelling Game)
Runner-Up: Zak McKracken and the Alien Mindbenders

12. Gauntlet (Best Multiplayer Dungeon Crawl)
Runners-Up: Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance, Dungeon Siege

11. Super Mario World (Best Action Platformer Starring A Plumber)
Runners-Up: Super Mario Bros 3, Super Mario Maker

10. Silent Hill 2 (Best Horror)
Runner-Up: Resident Evil 2

9. Mario Kart 8 (Best Racing Game For People Who Don't Like Actual Racing Games)
Runner-Up: Mario Kart 64

8. Dragon Age (Best RPG That's Not Skyrim)
Runner-Up: Knights of the Old Republic, NeverWinter Nights

7. Injustice: Gods Among Us (Best Fighting Game)
Runners-Up: Mortal Kombat 9, Marvel Vs Capcom 2

6. The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (Best Action Adventure Not-Quite RPG)
Runners-Up: LOZ: A Link Between Worlds, LOZ: Ocarina of Time

5. The Sims 4 (Best Time Suck While Wishing I Lived In A Computer)
Runner-Up: The Sims 3

4. Skyrim (Best Immersive First Person RPG)
Runner-Up: Oblivion

3. Chrono Trigger (Best JRPG That Isn't A Final Fantasy Game)
Runner-Up: Earthbound

2. Final Fantasy 6 (Best JRPG Period Hands Down)
Runner-Up: Final Fantasy 7

1. Super Metroid (Best Sci-Fi Action Platformer)
Runners-Up: Metroid Zero Mission, Bionic Commando, Mega Man 2

I've probably missed a few in there but overall I think I've hit the most important ones.

I would define myself as a gamer.  I was practically born with a controller in my hand.  My earliest memories involve arcade games like Asteroids and Space Invaders.  Gaming continues to be my favorite hobby, even if I don't have time to do it as much as I used to.

I've owned the following systems at one time or another: Atari 2600, TRS-80, Commodore 64, Commodore Amiga, 8-bit Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Nintendo 64, Sega Genesis, Sega Saturn, Sony Playstation, Playstation 2, Playstation 4, Wii, Wii U, X-Box 360, Gameboy, Gameboy Advance SP, Sega Game Gear, and Nintendo 3DS.  Yes I'm including old computers in the list because I used them almost exclusively for video games.  Note that these consoles were new when I had them (as opposed to the modern trend of collecting retro systems).  I also play pencil-and-paper RPGs.

Unfortunately, the modern usage of "gamer" brings to mind sexist guys with neckbeards and fedoras, who only play macho games like Call of Duty.  When I was a kid, gamers weren't respected because video games were considered new and evil.  But today, gamers aren't respected because we're often judged by the loudest of us.  Too many people think all gamers are like the whiny MRAs on GameFAQs, because they get the most media attention.

But really, is anyone not a gamer at this point?  Even my elders are constantly playing Candy Crush on their phones these days, while still looking down at the younger generations for being addicted to computer screens.  When I call myself a gamer, it's not just because I like video games, it's because they've been such a big part of my life that they're part of my psychological makeup.  It's because I think about the stories behind games even when I'm not playing them.  Heck, I used to draw comic books based on Metroid.

So even thought I'm not particularly good at video games, and even though I rarely own the newest systems or play the most popular games, I'm definitely a gamer.

Things I like in a game:

1. Customization.  I love to design my own character.  Some game companies put too much thought into designing a marketable main character, when I’m happier with a generic one that I designed myself.  This is kind of what killed the GTA series for me.  In GTA 3 you were a nameless, voiceless thug, but there was a code that let you look like other NPCs in the game.  But later GTA games put too much work into making your character memorable, when all I wanted was to choose my appearance.

2. If deep customization isn’t available, at least give us multiple characters to choose from.  Bonus points if at least one of the characters is female.  I'm about 50% more likely to stick with a game if I can play as a female character.

3. I like games I can break.  I don’t play games for the challenge, I just want to see what happens next.  I don’t like dying and replaying the same levels a lot.  I love it when I can find armor that makes me nearly invincible, or weapons that let me dominate my foes.  After a stressful day at work there’s nothing more fun than mowing down a swarm of enemies.

4. Easy to stop and resume.  This is a more recent thing, as I’ve gotten older and don’t have as much time to play.  I don’t want there to be hours between save points.  I don’t want a plot so complicated that I can’t remember what I was doing if I don’t play for a week.  If the game has quests, I want a journal system that helps me remember them, and a map system that makes it easy to find my next target.  Skyrim was excellent about this.


My Favorite Genres:
I mostly like RPGs, Fighting, Sci-Fi Action, Horror, and Platformers.  However, I'm pretty selective about what games I see through to the end.  These days I tend to buy a lot of cheap games on Steam, then play most of them for about 2 minutes before trying something else.  Maybe one out of 50 games sticks with me, and I'll play it for years.  As much as I love RPGs, I just don't have time to pay attention to long plots any more.  But I do love mindless dungeon crawlers like Torchlight and Dungeon Siege.

Games I've Played the Most:
According to Steam, my most played game is Skyrim, with 148 hours as of this writing.  Of course, that's only Steam games.  I'm sure I've at least that much into The Sims 3, and my Wii U says I've put over 100 hours into Super Mario Maker.  Also, back when I used to host a NeverWinter Nights server, I probably put more hours into NWN than any other game in my life.  And back when I first discovered the internet, I put hundreds of hours into on online game called JediMUD.

JRPGs or Western RPGs?
I like RPGs, but I am picky about them.  I can only name a handful that I’ve played to the end, but those few I’ve played through multiple times.  So I’m very loyal to a small number of RPGs.  I like Western RPGs because they’re more likely to have customizable characters.  I like Japanese RPGs because of the creative characters and stories.  So I would say I’m about 50/50.

Multiplayer:
I’ve loved multiplayer games since the original Gauntlet, but I dislike competitive online shooters.  My favorite multiplayer games are basically Gauntlet derivations: Torchlight, Baldur’s Gate Dark Alliance, Dungeon Siege, and other mindless dungeon crawlers.  I don’t play a lot of these games any more because I don’t see my friends as often, and they never have the same game systems as me.

Consoles or PCs:
This used to be an easy question.  While I had a few gaming computers in the 8-bit era, most of my life has been about consoles.  I really liked how console games were plug-and-play, and you didn't have to worry if your machine had the right specs.  Shove the cartridge in, and you're playing the game within 30 seconds.  But modern consoles are just as bad as PCs about installing games and downloading updates.  And computer games are cool because you can install mods.  So at this point in my life I'd have to say I like both equally.

Favorite System:
The Super Nintendo is hands-down my favorite system of all time.  A lot of that is nostalgia.  It was the first system I earned with my own money, and it came out at just the right time of my life.  The SNES controller is also one of my all-time favorite controllers.

If I were stranded on a deserted island and could only take one game, what would it be?
Probably Skyrim.  There’s just so much to do.  There are several games I like better, but those games are only good for one playthrough every couple of years.  Skyrim consistently surprises me with new areas the more I explore it.  Between the PS4 and the PC, I’ve put more than 200 hours into this game, and I still haven’t seen everything.