Further Proof That You Can’t Satisfy Star Wars Fans

(Spoilers for Rise of Skywalker)

So, Last Jedi was blasted for straying too far from the Star Wars formula.  Rise of Skywalker is getting blasted for sticking too closely to the Star Wars formula.  This is why we can’t have nice things.

Seriously, I've heard nothing for the past two years but how much The Last Jedi sucked, and how Rian Johnson should never be allowed to direct a movie again.  But Rise of Skywalker overturns a few of TLJ's decisions, and suddenly Johnson is the second coming of Christ.  How dare they retcon all these things you've been complaining about for two years?  

Critics say Rise of Skywalker paid too much attention to the criticism of the last movie, and uses too many of the suggestions put forward by fans on internet message boards.  One humorist even said it felt like it was written by Reddit.  Is this a bad thing now?  Listening to criticism?  Trying to please your fans?  How dare they!

They say it’s not performing as well as expected in the box office, but do remember that Saturday was the busiest shopping day of the year; some people are too busy for a movie.  Besides, it’s competing against Cats!  *gigglesnort*  I hope it picks up some momentum after the holidays, because I don’t like it when Disney thinks things underperformed. 

But I just have to wonder what fans were expecting.  They did everything you asked, and you’re still unhappy.  Look, I would love to get an intelligently-written, seriously dramatic Star Wars movie someday.  But I only say that because I’d like to see Star Wars cross all into all sorts of genres eventually.  Star Wars sitcom?  I’m there.  Star Wars horror?  Awesome.  The best Star Wars novel I’ve read was a romance.  And The Mandalorian is basically a Star Wars western, and it does the job beautifully.

Side note:  Okay, so a lot of people will argue that Star Wars has always been a space western, but I don’t see it.  Sure, Han Solo is obviously a cowboy, but he’s not the main character.  To me, Luke’s story arc always more closely resembled old ninja movies, right down to him seeking out knowledge from an ancient wizened sage who is more powerful than his tiny frame would suggest.  But Star Trek also gets compared to westerns, so I honestly think some people just compare everything to westerns.  It has good guys and bad guys and sometimes they shoot at each other?  Must be a western, cuz gosh, no other genre has that.  But IMO, the only true space western is Firefly.

So yes, I would have no problem with Rian Johnson taking the reins again, turning the formula on its head, and making a movie that confuses our expectations.  But I also like Star Wars movies feeling like shallow theme park rides.  I hate to admit this, but Star Wars is supposed to appeal to twelve year olds.  I love that it can be enjoyed by all ages, but I think the target audience should always remain the tween demographic, at least for the numbered films.  That should be the goal: to put in just enough plot to keep the adults entertained, but to keep it light and energetic enough to keep the twelve-year-olds from looking at their smartphones.  Use the spin-off movies to experiment with other genres.

When The Sixth Sense put M. Night Shyamalan on the map, it also branded him as the “twist” guy.  There was a certain expectation that went with seeing his movies, and if he made a movie that didn’t have a twist, some people felt cheated.  I think there is a similar expectation that Star Wars movies follow a certain formula.  The minute Rey was introduced, audience members speculated on who her parents would be.  There just had to be some explanation as to why Force powers came to her so easily.  But then, they never really explained how Anakin came to be, at least not on film.  It’s a big universe; there’s no reason why any new characters have to be related to anybody.  But apparently some Star Wars fans just can’t accept a character without knowing their complete genealogy.

Anyway, there’s no accounting for why one likes or dislikes something.  But the reasons I’m hearing for people not liking Rise of Skywalker are, frankly, stupid.  This goes back to my blog on “Introspection Illusion”, but I don’t think people dislike things for the reasons they think they dislike them.  Can’t keep up with the movie’s frenetic pace?  Must be because you didn’t like them retconning Rey’s parentage.  Dialogue not making you laugh?  Must be because you didn’t like the Chewbacca death fake-out.  Ending feels too happy?  Must be because they showed too much (or too little) of Rose Tico.

If none of that makes any sense, well, that’s how I feel reading some of the reviews out there.  I don’t think some of you actually know why you didn’t like it.  I’m just saying, if you had enjoyed the movie on a more subconscious level, you might not be quibbling about the strange plot twists.  I’ve only seen Rise of Skywalker once so far, but I think this is one of those movies that’s probably more enjoyable a second time.  Once you know what happens, and aren’t worrying so much about who’s going to die or whether you missed a twist, you can enjoy it for what Star Wars has always been: popcorn munchers, roller coaster rides, special effects showcases, and homages to the cheesy serials from the 1930s.

If you didn’t like Rise of Skywalker, that’s okay.  It’s not your fault you’re a dullard, you probably just had boring parents.  I won’t hold that against you.  But I’m going to go hang out with the cool kids.  You know, the ones who don’t hate fun.  Feel free to join us when you’re ready to let your inner twelve-year-old out to play.  We’ll be happy to have you.

Rise of Skywalker Thougts (Spoilers)

Spoiler Alert for Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker

If you haven't seen the movie yet, read this blog instead.

I saw the movie yesterday, and I'm still trying to put everything together in my head.

The plot jumped around so much that I'm having a hard time remembering the sequence of events.  Most Star Wars movies are pretty easy to summarize, and are so sectionalized that they feel like two or three mini-movies.  For example, Return of the Jedi has the Jabba part, the Yoda part, the Endor part, and finally the climax (which jumps back and forth from three locations).

But Rise of Skywalker was so chaotic, that I'm going to have to watch it again just to get the timeline straight.  Not that I'll need an excuse to see it again.  I mean, yeah, I know they spend a fair amount of the movie looking for a MacGuffin that will lead them to the planet where the climax takes place, but that search covers so many locations that I can't remember what happens when.

Regarding Leia - While I'm glad they utilized unused footage instead of CGI (mostly because I didn't want to hear people whining about it), it didn't actually look any better than CGI would have.  Some of her scenes were so obviously digitally inserted that she wasn't even lit the same as the characters standing around her.  Maybe it was more obvious because I knew about it in advance, but I'm pretty sure I would have noticed something was odd about her scenes.  Plus, a lot of her lines felt like they could have fit anywhere.

I was disappointed that the finale didn't involve a huge lightsaber battle.  I mean, I know there was some swordplay there, like with Kylo vs the minions, but I wanted a boss battle.  Either have Kylo or Rey get temporarily possessed for a big duel, or let the newly healed Palpatine pull out a saber like he did in Episode 3.

But Star Wars climaxes are hard.  Rey is put into the same position Luke was in at the end of Return of the Jedi.  Kill Palpatine and become evil yourself, or let him live and he kills all your allies.  RotJ handled this brilliantly, with Luke refusing to fight, and Vader killing Palpatine.  I thought something similar was going to happen here.  Either Rey or Kylo would strike him down, become possessed and evil, and they would fight each other.  Instead, Rey defeated Palpatine with some reflected lightning / force of will / power of love scene that feels right out of a Disney movie.  Oh, wait.

Of course, we did get a nice duel between Kylo and Rey earlier in the movie, but I found that fight a little underwhelming.  It was a cool location with the crashing waves, but it just felt like something was missing.  I think it was the soundtrack.  It needed something like "Duel of the Fates" to really make me feel it, but if I remember correctly a good portion of that scene didn't have music at all.

The ending - with Rey calling herself a Skywalker - makes it feel like the entire trilogy is Rey's origin story.  It feels like something really great is about to start.  Too bad Daisy Ridley says she's done with Star Wars after this trilogy.  Maybe she'd still agree to do voice work.  I would totally watch an animated series about Rey that takes place after this movie.

The little shout outs and fan service didn't do much for me, and seemed a little pandering.  Yay, Lando's back, but he doesn't do much that another character couldn't have done.  He would have been put to better use if he'd been the casino contact they were looking for in The Last Jedi.  Yay, Chewie finally gets a medal, but it felt like such a wink to the audience that it took me out of the film.  Yay, there was a lesbian kiss, but it felt like such a hollow token gesture that it annoyed the GLBT community just as much as it annoyed the bigots.

I know there's a lot of criticism in this blog entry, but I really did love this movie.  It's just easier (and more fun) to point out a movie's flaws than its virtues.  But nothing I've listed above is damning, just minor quibbles about a movie that's almost perfect.

The thing is, a lot of the negative reviews I've read about Rise of Skywalker have basically accused it of trying too hard to please fans.  It's a pet peeve of mine that "trying too hard" is considered a bad thing.  The world is full of movies that don't try hard enough.  Yeah, yeah, "Do or do not, there is no try", but Yoda's never directed a movie.

Ranking the Star Wars Movies

A few months ago, everyone was ranking the Star Wars films.  I wanted to wait until Rise of Skywalker to post mine.  Note that I’m only ranking theatrical films here.

1. Return of the Jedi
2. A New Hope
3. Empire Strikes Back
4. The Rise of Skywalker
5. The Force Awakens
6. Rogue One
7. Revenge of the Sith
8. Attack of the Clones
9. Solo
10. The Last Jedi
11. The Phantom Menace
12. The Clone Wars

Some notes…

1. Return of the Jedi:
Okay, yes, I like RotJ best, have at me.  I know a lot of Star Wars purists don’t like it because it rehashes the “blow up the Death Star” plot from ANH, and also because their testicles will shrivel off if they admit they think Ewoks are cute.  But RotJ also has Jabba the Hutt, the Rancor, the Sarlacc pit, speeder bikes, a huge space battle, Ackbar’s legendary line, Boba Fett actually fighting instead of just standing around, and a top notch lightsaber duel.

2. A New Hope:
A New Hope should really be at the top of the list.  After all, it is the quintessential Star Wars movie.  It deserves the honor just for being so groundbreaking.  But honestly?  I can no longer watch it over and over like I can the others.  I just know it too well.  As much as I love it, it’s so ingrained in me I might as well watch a blank wall and imagine the movie.  There’s nothing new in the background to notice, there’s no nuances to catch.  That’s why I like the Special Editions – not because they’re actually better, but because there’s new things to see.

3. The Empire Strikes Back:
Yeah, sure, most people like ESB best.  I don’t blame them, it’s a solid movie with a great script.  But to me, it just doesn’t feel like enough happens in that movie.  The cynic in me thinks that the reason ESB is so popular is because the bad guys win, and human beings are basically miserable little black-hearted trolls who like to see evil triumph because it gives them hope for their own lives.

4. The Rise of Skywalker:
This one's so fresh on my mind, it could go up or down this list in the future.  I mean, I loved The Phantom Menace when I first saw it, but the flaws stood out more and more with time.  Still - and I might eat these words later - I think Rise of Skywalker is going to stand the test of time.

5. The Force Awakens:
Yeah, yeah, it's basically a remake of A New Hope, but so frakking what.  I like ANH, but as I said above, it's boring now.  TFA is much prettier telling of the story.

6. Rogue One:
I thought a lot of this movie was boring, but the ending makes up for it.  A lot of people were turned off by the CGI actors, but Star Wars has always been about experimenting with technology.  The original trilogy pushed the limits of what they could do with miniatures and prosthetics.  The Special Editions and the prequels did the same for CGI, for good or ill.  One of the prequels was the first film ever shot entirely digitally.  The Force Awakens showed us how CGI can coexist with practical effects so well that it’s hard to tell the difference.  Plus, BB-8 was kind of an engineering marvel.  Defending Star Wars always feels like defending NASA.  You know, it’s not about sending people into space.  It’s about all the technological breakthroughs it takes to get someone into space, and how those breakthroughs can also be applied to everyday life.

7. Revenge of the Sith:
I rank Episodes 2 and 3 about the same.  But while AotC takes a while to get going, RotS is exciting pretty much from the start.  So RotS just barely beats AotC.

8. Attack of the Clones:
This one starts out slow, but the last forty-five minutes or so is great fun.  Some of the special effects aren’t aging well, though.  Some of the shots of the clone troopers look straight out of Battlefront.

9. Solo:
I thought Solo was much better than people gave it credit for.  It wasn't great, it wasn't bad, it was just fun and pointless.  Yes, it spends a little too much time on fan service, showing how every aspect of Han Solo's being came into existence.  But I'm glad there's finally a canon, on-film explanation of the "12 parsecs" thing, so people can finally stop making fun of Han's line in ANH.  And young Lando was spot-on perfect; it's a shame he didn't get his own spin-off movie.

10. The Last Jedi:
You know that feeling when you’re about 85% of the way through Skyrim, and you decide you want to finish up a bunch of the side quests before you get back to the main story?  That’s how I feel watching TLJ.  It’s a perfectly entertaining movie, but it always feels like something more important is happening somewhere else.

11. The Phantom Menace:
I’ll say this, I loved opening night.  We had friends who spent days in line to buy tickets.  My wife and I decided to wait and see it when it was less crowded.  But on opening night we changed our mind, and managed to find a theater that still had tickets available.  The energy was electrifying.  Star Wars fans everywhere, some in costume, it was awesome.  As far as the movie itself is concerned… well, the pod racing is kind of neat.  And that lightsaber fight is still one of the best scenes in the series.  But overall it’s a bit boring.

12. The Clone Wars:
I was going to just list the live action movies, but I figured, hey, I saw Clone Wars in the theater, I might as well put it on the list.  As a pilot for the TV series, it was serviceable, but the decision to release it theatrically was baffling.  There is no reason a movie about rescuing Jabba’s baby should have made it to the theaters.  Also?  I didn’t care for the CGI style they used, where everybody looked like they were carved out of wood.  I prefer the earlier, “Samurai Jack”-style Clone Wars cartoons.

Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker (Spoiler Free)

Star Wars has always been divisive.  Starting with the Great Ewok Divide of 1983, Star Wars fans have always been at each other’s throats.  Special Editions?  Broken fan base.  Prequels?  Broken fan base.  Disney resetting the expanded universe?  Force Awakens being a little too similar to A New Hope?  Rogue One’s CGI actors?  Solo’s overindulgence in fan service?  Each one broke the fan base a little bit more.  And The Last Jedi was probably the most divisive of all.  At this point, Star Wars fandom is divided into so many splinter groups, you can’t even find a Star Wars conversation online that doesn’t devolve into name calling and Force choking.

I went into Rise of Skywalker with high hopes.  I’d read a few reviews that called it disappointing, but I don’t think those reviewers really get Star Wars.  They said it was predictable, didn’t break enough new ground, and undid too much of The Last Jedi’s progress.  Knowing these potential shortcomings going in, I was prepared for a fun romp with lots of cool action scenes, but that doesn’t blow me away with originality.  So, how did it measure up to my expectations?

I loved it.  It had lots of action, great special effects, and it wrapped up this trilogy quite nicely.  And what's more, I actually like The Last Jedi a bit more now, now that I can see where things were going.  If I have one complaint about The Rise of Skywalker, it's that it's damn near exhausting.  There's almost no downtime, no good time for a bathroom break, and it jumps from scene to scene so quickly at times that my brain was still processing events from three scenes ago. 

It's two hours and twenty one minutes, but it still feels over-edited in places, like they wanted to guarantee we wouldn't get bored.  Which is not to say it's all action.  But even the expositional scenes kept up the pace.  After watching the world's slowest car chase in space in The Last Jedi, this movie really sped things up. 

The reviewers who called it “disappointing” mostly complained about what wasn’t in the movie, and I don’t like that.   Always review a movie for what it is, not what it isn’t.  It’s true that Rise of Skywalker commits the same sins as Force Awakens – it retreads too much on past ground, and it doesn’t do much new or clever with the series.  Oh darn.  I wish the prequels had been that “disappointing.”

…So I’m torn here.  On the one hand, I think everyone is entitled to their opinion.  We all want different things out of movies, and one person’s trash is another ones treasure, yada yada yada.  But… This a fantastic movie.  It has everything I want out of a Star Wars film.  And if you don’t like it, then I don’t like you.

Star Wars Anticipation

I just wanted to throw out some thoughts before I see “The Rise of Skywalker” this weekend.

I’m sure I’ve told this story before on this blog, but I’m using it to drive home a different point this time.  In 2005 I attended the “Star Wars Celebration III” convention in Indianapolis.  George Lucas was there for a special interview and Q&A session, but we weren’t planning to see it.  Not that we didn’t want to, it’s just that we didn’t want to try to compete with the more hardcore fans.  See, the line to see Lucas started the day before the convention.  Hundreds of fans stayed up overnight, standing outside in the freezing rain, just to make sure they got seats for the show.  We weren’t that crazy.

The morning of the convention, we got there early, and got in line.  If you’ve never been to the Indiana Convention Center, it’s connected to some of the surrounding buildings by skywalks.  Which means there are multiple ways to get into the building, and we picked the wrong one.  Or, as it turns out, the right one.  We were standing in a crowd of people in one of the skywalks, waiting for the gates to open, when the convention employees started shouting, “This way, people!”  Totally confused, we were herded like cattle through the skywalk, into the upper floor of the convention center, and into an auditorium. 

When we realized that this was the auditorium for the Lucas interview, we were just giddy.  We hadn’t even bought our tickets yet.  We could have walked in from the street, with no intention of going to the convention, and seen George Lucas for free.  It was amazing.

The interview with Lucas was interesting, but I don’t remember much about it.  I remember more about the Q&A afterward.  It was just a few weeks before “Revenge of the Sith” came out, so lots of people asked questions about it.  There was this one kid who rather boldly asked if Episode III was going to be exciting like Episode II, or if it was going to be boring like Episode I.  Actually, I think the phrase he used was “in depth”, but the rest of the audience let out a sort of gasp/groan that indicated they knew exactly what the kid was really trying to ask.  Basically, was Episode III going to be as bad as Episode I?

Lucas took it in stride, and he said something I’ll never forget.  He said that for years, he’d always imagined that it would take three movies to tell Darth Vader’s origin story.  But when he finally sat down and started planning out the prequels, he realized that the story would only take two movies.  So he decided to make Episode I more of a bonus story, a nice way to introduce audiences to Anakin as a child, and give some background to the universe.  So there you have it, straight from George’s mouth – Episode I is basically just filler. 

But here’s the thing… At least he did sit down to plan them in advance.  Because that’s how you do a trilogy.  Before you start writing the first script, you outline all the major events of the trilogy, so you don’t set anything up you can’t resolve later.  Say what you will about George Lucas, but at least he planned ahead.

I actually enjoyed The Last Jedi.  I loved the visuals, and it had some great moments.  But my biggest complaint was that it just didn’t feel epic.  It felt like a mid-season filler episode from a Star Wars TV series, rather than part of a movie trilogy.  I kept wondering how these events affected the trilogy as a whole.  It just didn’t feel like it moved the trilogy forward.  Even now when people ask me if I liked TLJ, it’s still hard to answer.  Because I’m not even sure how I feel until I see Episode IX.  As a stand-alone Star Wars movie, TLJ is a fun diversion.  As part of a trilogy?  I don’t know…  Surely there’s a point to it?  Surely it was setting up a lot of pins for Episode IX to knock down?

…Except it wasn’t.  So many articles and interviews have since revealed that this trilogy was written one piece at a time.  It’s like that campfire game where you pass the flashlight around, and whoever has the flashlight continues the story where the last person left off.  If you’re going to do that, fine, but don’t call it a trilogy.  That is not how you make a trilogy.  I repeat, THAT IS NOT HOW YOU MAKE A TRILOGY.  You don’t let one director set up challenges for another director to solve.  You don’t casually dismiss plot threads that were carefully set up in the previous movie.  Episodes 7 through 9 are a trilogy in the same way the first three Jurassic Park movies are a trilogy.  Even the Matrix trilogy tells a more cohesive story than the current Star Wars trilogy.

I’ve already read a spoiler-free advance review of The Rise of Skywalker, and it does sound like they managed to wrap things up neatly.  If true, good for them.  But whatever time Rise of Skywalker spends cleaning up TLJ’s messes is time that could have been spent on original content.  I’m going to go into this with an open mind, but I’m still furious that they didn’t plan out the trilogy in advance.

They’re already discussing the next Star Wars trilogy (though I’m sure that depends on how well Episode IX does).  Great.  Good or bad, I’ll take all the Star Wars they want to give me.  I honestly don’t see myself ever giving up on the series.  But please, please, please let them have learned from their mistakes.  Please let them outline this set in advance.  I don’t mind non-numbered Star Wars one-shots, and I hope Disney starts allowing them again.  But numbered Star Wars movies should feel epic.  If you call it a trilogy, please make it a trilogy.

I'm begging you.

Life is Strange 2 - Episode 5 (Spoilers)

Disclaimer:  This blog contains major spoilers for “Life is Strange 2”.

Wow.  Okay, so quick summary:

The chapter begins with Daniel and Sean living with their mother in an off-the-grid trailer park in the Arizona desert.  The finally decide to leave when they learn the police are getting close.  They arrive at the border wall, Daniel makes a hole in it, but they get arrested before they can cross the border.  Daniel breaks them out of jail, drive to an actual border crossing, and find a police roadblock waiting for them.  Then you make your final choice - surrender to the police, or use Daniel's powers to plow through the roadblock.

In the previous LiS games, your earlier choices didn't make much difference.  You could be a bastard or a saint all the way through the game, and you still got the same binary choice at the end.  In LiS2, you still only get two choices, but the way you've raised Daniel affects his decisions as well.  So you end up with four possible endings, and three additional variations based on your relationship with other characters.  I've watched all the endings now, and none of them are what I would call happy endings.

In my playthrough, I chose to drive through the roadblock.  But once we had a clear path, thanks to my moral guidance, Daniel jumped out of the car and surrendered.  Sean went on to live in Mexico alone, while Daniel went to live with his grandparents in America.  It jumps forward a few years, Daniel still has powers but has learned to keep them a secret.  He gets a postcard from Sean, letting him know he's doing okay.  They both live happy lives, just not together.

There was a really nice bit of fanservice in this chapter regarding the first Life is Strange game.  At the trailer park there is a man named David.  I had a couple of conversations with him before I realized who he was.  He mentioned that he had a daughter who occasionally visits, and he mentioned that his wife had died.  This flew over my head until I had a opportunity to explore his trailer.  Yep, it is indeed David Madsen, Chloe's stepdouche.

You find out that he and Chloe have made peace since the first game, and he's grown into a much better person.  If you hang around his trailer, you even get to hear his side of a phone call with Chloe.  You can even read a letter written to him from Victoria Chase.  I assume that if I'd picked the "I Sacrificed Chloe" option when it asks you at the beginning of the game, a few of his scenes would play out differently here.

Some final thoughts about the full game:
LiS2 is so full of establishing shots and filler, it probably could have been three chapters instead of five.  I don't know if that would have been a good idea, though.  A big part of the game's emotional weight depends on the player growing attached to the characters, and that's just not something you can do at high speeds.  But as it is, it still has pacing problems.

The politics can be heavy handed, and are not subtle.  Since I share its political beliefs, it's not offensive to me, but others will find it too preachy.  In my opinion, the game doesn't really take sides so much as show you the experience of a specific pair of Hispanic kids, but some of the bigoted characters are such over-the-top strawmen that it's hard not to see a political agenda.  And that's fine, there's a million other video games out there that make no political statement at all, so the haters can just go play those.

I've not heard any news of a "Life is Strange 3" yet, but I hope the series continues.  This development team's next game is called "Tell Me Why", and it looks right up my alley.  So look forward to reading my babbles about that.  Unfortunately it's being produced by XBox Game Studios, so I'll probably have to play it on the PC instead of the PS4.

My recaps of previous chapters:
Life is Strange 2 - Episode 1
Life is Strange 2 - Episode 2
Life is Strange 2 - Episode 3
Life is Strange 2 - Episode 4
The Awesome Adventures of Captain Spirit

And what the heck, here's links to my blogs on the earlier games:
LiS 1-1, LiS 1-2, LiS 1-3, LiS 1-4, LiS 1-5, LiS:BtS

Some screenshots:

My choices:

Superman - Deus Ex Machina?

Superman is one of the world's most popular superheroes, and yet an awful lot of comic fans hate him.

People who hate Superman often refer to him as a walking Deus Ex Machina.  He’s just so powerful, and he just has too many powers.  They say that nothing is a challenge for him, and that his comics are boring.  But they’re wrong, of course.  A character’s power level has little to do with how interesting their comics are.  They still have ways to create drama in Superman comics: They give him even stronger villains, or they put him in situations where his powers aren’t of any use.  Sometimes they also depower him, but that’s kind of cheating.  I mean, if I wanted to read a comic about a depowered super hero, I’d just pick a hero who has no powers.

Superman’s actually pretty versatile.  When he fights someone who is his physical match, the stories remind me of Godzilla.  Two incredibly tough creatures tossing each other into buildings, causing all kinds of destruction to the city around them.  When he fights someone magical like Mr. Mxyzptlk, it becomes more cerebral, with Superman solving puzzles to defeat them.  People think his only weakness is Kryptonite, but he’s also quite vulnerable to magic, alien weapons, and the fear of losing his loved ones.  The fact that he’s a big ol’ boy scout is probably his biggest weakness of all, because it means he has to hold back his full strength in order not to seriously hurt his weaker enemies. 

Yes, he has a lot of powers.  In a universe with so many super heroes in it, somebody had to win the super power lottery.  But it’s the writing that makes the difference.  

Batman, on the other hand… 

Oh, Batman.  For a guy without super powers, he has every ability it’s possible for a human to have.

Let’s see, he’s the World’s greatest detective, one of the world’s top ten martial artists, an expert ninja trained by the world’s greatest assassins… He’s one of the world’s richest people, which gives him access to the world’s greatest tech, which includes his utility belt, which, I’m sorry, but rivals the Sonic Screwdriver for being able to do whatever the plot requires at the time.

Batman has a genius level intellect, a mastery of science, and he has a photographic memory.  He’s at peak physical strength, and knows 127 forms of martial arts. He's been trained as a stage magician, he’s an escape artist, a master of disguise, he’s multilingual, he’s a pilot, he has a computer database with so much information that he can discover any enemy’s weakness, and he has an ability to plan ahead that borders on precognition.  Plus, he has a persona that strikes fear into his enemies, despite being every bit as moral as Superman when it comes to taking a life.

If you look at power levels, the only big difference between Superman and Batman is that Batman’s abilities aren’t considered “powers”.  And frankly, that’s just semantics.  If you want to argue what’s actually possible, Batman’s abilities really aren’t that much more realistic than Superman’s.  Yes, it’s technically possible for humans to do the things Batman does.  But for a single human to master every skill Batman has mastered?  That would take more years than the average human lifespan.

Besides, if he needs to, Batman can replicate any of Superman’s powers using technology.  So basically, Batman can do anything Superman can do, and much, much more.  If anybody is a walking Deus Ex Machina, it’s Batman.  The only reason Superman is always the target of this type of criticism is because comic fans prefer dark, brooding heroes to angelic paragons of morality.  So leave Superman alone!

That said...

I do wish Superman’s writers didn’t feel the need to make him the best at everything he does.  I mean, he already has the most powers, he doesn’t have to be the best at them too.  There shouldn’t be any question as to whether the Flash is faster than Superman.  Speed is the Flash’s only power.  Just give him this one.  Superman’s speed is just as impressive without having to make him as fast as the Flash.  Nor does he need to be the strongest or the most invulnerable, either. 

In many ways I find the original version of Superman more interesting.  Back when he was first designed, he was faster than a speeding bullet, but only barely.  He was more powerful than a locomotive, but that doesn’t mean he could lift a mountain.  He could leap tall buildings in a single bound, but he couldn’t actually fly.  And it was said that “nothing short of an exploding shell could penetrate his skin,” which is a lot more vulnerable than he is now.  But over the years, the writers kept giving him more and more powers, and his existing powers became stronger and stronger. 

One of my high school friends used to draw his own comic books.  He had a tendency to design absurdly powerful characters, basically gods who could only be challenged by other gods.  I remember this one character he showed me.  It was basically Superman, but with about a dozen extra powers.  

I remember my friend telling me that the only way this character could be killed is if you fired twenty-one suns into his chest.  You know, assuming you can build a cannon that fires suns in the first place, and then assuming you can get the character to stand still that long.  And how do you even load such a weapon?  Anyway, I told my friend, “Dude, there’s not going to be any drama there.  Characters who can’t be killed are so boring!”  My friend thought about that for a minute, and said, “Fine.  Thirteen suns, then.”

So my point is, Superman is a lot more interesting than some people give him credit for.  But he’s at his most interesting when he isn’t overpowered.

Life is Strange 2 - Episode 4

Disclaimer:  This blog contains major spoilers for “Life is Strange 2”.

Great chapter.  Last episode left off pretty bleak, with Sean missing an eye, everyone else injured, and Daniel missing.  This episode picks up two months later, with Sean in the hospital, dreading the time when he's declared healthy enough to handed over to the police.  But then he finds a note from his friend Jacob revealing that his brother is in a town in Nevada called Haven Point.

Breaking out of the hospital was fun, but a little unbelievable.  Looking at the end-of-chapter choices recap, it appears there are four ways to get out of the hospital, but only two of them are non-violent.  I didn't want to hurt anyone, so I snuck out the window, climbed along a ledge, popped back in to grab my backpack from a storage room, and climbed down the scaffolding.

Sean steals a car and drives for hours, until he finally has to pull over to get some sleep.  He's woken up in the middle of the night by a couple of racists who bully him around for a few minutes.  It's total filler that doesn't really advance the plot, and some will see this scene as just one more example of how this game hits you over the head with the racism theme.  I can't say I agree - it is a little random, but all these terrible experiences are probably going to lead up to Sean's decisions in the final chapter.

He drives until he runs out of gas, then walks in the desert heat.  At one point a semi pulls over and gives him a ride.  Of course by this point you're wondering what kind of evil bastard the driver is going to turn out to be, but he's a nice guy who takes Sean all the way to his destination.  The series is pretty good about manufacturing tension every time you meet someone new, even if they turn out to be good.

The town turns out to be a church community.  The church is led by a woman named Lisbeth, who feels like an amalgamation of several religious zealots from Stephen King novels.  She has discovered that Daniel has powers, and has now uses them to perform "miracles" in front of her congregation.  

There's also a little girl there, Sarah-Lee (nobody doesn't like her), who is sick.  Her parents refuse to take her to a doctor, opting to pray for her instead.  Seriously, now the game is outright pandering to my liberal values.  But that's okay, there's too many games that avoid politics altogether.  Yes, some people are going to be turned off, but those people would probably never pick up a game like this in the first place.

Sean finally meets up with Daniel again, but he's thrown out of the church.  Then Sean's mother Karen shows up.  She had also been notified by Jacob about Daniel's whereabouts, and came to the rescue.  She lets Sean rest and clean up in her hotel room, and then they try to reconnect.  They haven't seen each other in years, and Sean is still pissed at her for abandoning her family.

Karen's a bit vague about her reasons for leaving, mostly saying "I wasn't who I thought I was" in regards to having a husband and kids.  I think there's subtle hints that she's gay, but I might be reading too much into it.  You can choose to be hostile or forgiving, but either way they'll agree they have to rescue Daniel.

Sean meets up with Jacob, who was once a member of Haven Point's church until they ousted him for being gay.  Seriously, they are going to break the "liberal pandering" meter pretty soon, but I love it.  Jacob wants to go back and rescue Sarah-Lee, who is his sister.  Jacob helps you sneak into a Lisbeth's house where they look for Sarah-Lee's medical records. 

They are caught (at least I was on my playthrough, apparently it is possible to hide better), and brought in front of Lisbeth.  Then we have a scene where Sean desperately tries to convince his brother that the church is exploiting him.  Sean allows himself to get beaten up until Daniel finally has enough, and goes full-on Carrie on that church.  

On the way out of the burning church, Lisbeth tries to block your exit.  You can choose to shoot her, but I had Daniel force-push her out of the way instead.  After exiting, Sean, Daniel, and Karen drive off together.  The preview for the next chapter shows them preparing to cross the border to Mexico.

I really enjoyed this chapter, especially the second half.  Any game where I get to burn down a church is okay with me.  There's just one chapter left; I can't wait to see how it ends.  I know it's going to come down to a heartbreaking choice where either decision is a tragedy, and I still think it's going to involve killing my little brother to save some other people.  I'm picturing the end of X-Men 3, with Daniel going full on Jean Grey crazy.

Good or bad, I'm looking forward to the conclusion.

My choices:

Links

Here's all my important links in one place:

My Entertainment Blog - Where I rant about video games, movies, and comic books.
My Personal Blog - Where I rant about politics, religion, and my own life.
My Role-Playing Game Blog - Where I post my campaign journals when I'm in an active RPG campaign.
My Twitter - I mostly use it to enter contests.
My Tumblr - Though I rarely use it these days.
My Instagram - Mostly cat pics.
My Steam Page
My YouTube Channel - My general videos, mostly cats and video game streams.
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My DeviantArt Page - Mostly those same cat photos.
My Twitch - Rarely used.

Our Patreon Account - In case you want to support any of our endeavors.

KJ's DeviantArt Page - Pour painting and other crafts.
KJ's Etsy Page - Pour paintings and other crafts for sale.
KJ's YouTube Channel - KJ's general videos.
The Crafty KJ YouTube Channel - Pour painting videos.
Dinner With Dorks - Videos of us eating and watching movies.  It's like spending an evening with friends in five minutes.
KJ's Twitch - Where we do most of our livestream gaming.  We're pretty casual gamers; it's mostly Beach Buggy Racing, Puyo Puyo Tetris, and Tricky Towers.
KJ's Twitter - Mostly pour paintings right now.
KJ's Steam - She rarely logs on.

Midnight Mews

I'm experimenting right now with uploading some of my blogs to YouTube.  The playlist is here:

Midnight Mews

"Clever" Movie Observations You Need To Quit Making

Armageddon

I’ve seen variations of the following quote floating around the internet, in reference to Michael Bay’s Armageddon:  “A movie that would have you believe it’s easier to train drillers to become astronauts than to train astronauts to use a drill.”  Ben Affleck even mentions it in the DVD commentary track. 

Okay, first off, you’re wrong.  The movie doesn’t ask you to believe that.  The characters in the movie spend a long time lamenting on how bad an idea it is.  So you don’t get to feel smug just for pointing out that these characters aren’t fit to be astronauts.  You’re not clever for repeating points already covered in the movie.  Frankly, it makes you look like an idiot.

More importantly, the movie directly addresses it:  They send out two teams, in the hopes that if the drillers couldn’t do it, the astronauts could.  Now in real life, I’d like to think that every country with a space program would send out dozens of teams, containing all sorts of combinations of astronauts and drillers.  But the movie doesn’t have time for this, and simplifies things by only having two teams.

Also, the movie makes it clear that it takes years of experience to master these particular drills.  Yes, you can train an astronaut to use a drill, but maybe not these specific drills, at least in the time they have left.  The drill team is shown to have a knack for using this machinery, because these drills take as much instinct as knowledge.  When the future of Earth is at stake, it’s better to have the drill experts up there with you and not need them, than to get there without them and discover you can’t finish the job.  

I don’t want to make light of astronaut training – I know they work hard and I respect the training they go through.  But we’ve sent monkeys into space.  These drillers don’t need to be awesome at astronauting, they just need to survive the experience long enough to lend a hand.  Much like the face swapping in Face/Off, if you can’t buy into the concept, you shouldn’t see the movie in the first place.

Which is a good time to bring up the anthropic principle.  This basically says that in order for a movie’s plot to happen, the conditions must exist in that universe that allow the plot to happen.  In other words, if the astronauts in this movie’s universe could be taught to use the drill, then there would be no movie.  “But surely they could have made an interesting movie about actual astronauts that use a drill?”  Well, yeah, and they did.  It was called “Deep Impact.”  It was a smarter movie than Armageddon, but not nearly as fun.  Audiences already complained that two asteroid movies hit the theaters at roughly the same time, did you really want them to be even more similar?

I’m not saying Armageddon is some misunderstood masterpiece, but at least hate it for the right reasons.  I have no sympathy for someone who buys a ticket to a Michael Bay film about an asteroid, and then complains because it had more style than substance.  No one watches disaster movies for their scientific accuracy.

Jurassic World

The observation:  Claire outruns a T-Rex in high heels.  Critics argue that even if she didn’t have an opportunity to grab some boots somewhere, that she’d be better off barefoot than running in heels. 

However, I think that’s the point of Claire’s character.  Her “Corporate Warrior” persona isn’t just a costume she puts on each morning, that’s who she is through and through.  She’s the kind of person who can run faster in heels that most people can in Reeboks.  Having worn high heels myself, I don’t think this is all that unrealistic; it just takes practice.  And she’s definitely had practice. 

Plus she’s had a busy day with a lot on her mind, so maybe stopping to change shoes was never a big priority.  And I kind of disagree about barefoot being better.  Step on one sharp rock and you’re dino dinner.

But once again, this was already mentioned in the movie.  Owen has a line where he criticizes her heels.  I’m not saying that hanging a lampshade on a flaw absolves the sin.  I’m just saying it’s a bit disingenuous to point out a “mistake” that’s already addressed in the movie itself, as if it were your own original idea.

Passengers

This one isn’t even a plot hole or movie mistake.  This one is squarely about reviewers acting smug about noticing something blatantly obvious.  When Passengers first hit the theaters, I must have read half a dozen reviews that said basically the same thing (spoilers ahead):

“Passengers is about a ship full of interstellar travelers, who were placed in suspended animation for a 120 year space flight.  A malfunction causes two of the sleep tubes to open early, and the two awakened passengers have to live out their lives on the empty ship knowing they won’t survive to see their destination.  It’s a wonderfully inventive concept, but I noticed something that none of the other moviegoers seem to have noticed.  Chris Pratt’s character intentionally damaged Jennifer Lawrence’s sleep tube so that he wouldn’t be lonely.  By not giving her a choice, he’s basically condemning her to the same life of near solitude.  The fact that he romances her while lying about this is practically rape.  He destroys her future, all of her hopes and dreams, for his own gain.  I can’t believe nobody else who saw the movie noticed this.”

Okay, for those of you who haven’t seen the movie:  That is the ACTUAL PLOT of the film.  The fact that he woke her is a HUGE plot point.  It’s not some subtle secret for eagle-eyed viewers.  It is the “A” plot.  Yeah, there’s also something in there about a malfunction threatening to make the ship explode, but honestly it feels tacked on for extra drama.  The movie is about the male character’s crime, how it affects them, and whether he should be forgiven. 

You can argue all you want about whether the his actions were justified and/or forgivable.  But don’t expect accolades just for noticing the movie’s main plot.  It’s a simple rule: If a plot point is important enough to be mentioned in the summary on the back of the DVD, you’re probably not a genius for noticing it.

Star Wars

Chewie doesn't get a medal.  He was the co-pilot, get over it.  If the Falcon had a crew of 300, would you still complain that they didn't all get individual medals?  Or would you realize that the captain's medal represents the efforts of the whole crew?