My Favorite Games Redux

A couple of years ago, I posted a list of my all-time favorite games. While that list still holds up, I think it represents more of what I consider my "ideal" favorite games, rather than the games I would actually go back and play again.

I mean sure, I still consider Super Metroid to be the best video game of all time. But a lot of that is nostalgia and a general fondness for the game's universe. Realistically - here, now, and today - would I really be more likely to sit down and play Super Metroid than something more contemporary?  Probably not.

 

So here's my new list. The following games are ones that I actually keep going back to, sometimes years apart. Most of these are games I've purchased and played on multiple consoles or computers, and have owned both physically and digitally. These are the games I would take if was stranded alone on a deserted island. These are the games I would save if a computer virus threatened to wipe out all other games from existence.

 

Most of these also appeared on my previous list, but this time they're in a different order. For the most part, I will only include one entry from a series. This is because some sequels make the earlier games in the series obsolete. I put months of my life into The Sims 3, but I never touched it again once I started playing The Sims 4.

 

I'm going to focus on single player games for this list. Sure, Street Fighter II has earned its place in video game history, and we all have fond memories of the original Gauntlet. But the truth is, I don't game with friends very often. And when I do, we usually just gravitate to whatever multiplayer game is newest, rather than going back to the classics. Heck, offline multiplayer games don't even have to be good, they just have to enhance the time we spend together.

 

I'm also not including any puzzle games like Tetris or Bejeweled, even though I've put a lot of time into them. When it comes to single player puzzle games, I tend to think of them as ways to pass the time in a waiting room, and I'm just as likely to try a new one as I am to replay an old favorite.

 

I'm also excluding compilation games (like Super Mario All-Stars or Mega Man Legacy Collection) because I feel like that would be cheating. Individual games only.

 

Anyway, that's enough exposition. On with the list!

 

 

15. Dungeon Siege

    Owned on: PC (Disc/Steam)

    This is just mindless point-and-click fun. The sequels are better, and Torchlight outshines the Dungeon Siege series in every way, but there's something about the simplicity of the original Dungeon Siege that makes me want to reinstall it now and then. This is an RPG for when I don't have time for an RPG, and just want to cut a swath of destruction through enemy hordes.

       

14. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

    Owned on: XBox, PC (Disc/Steam)

    I've installed and played through this game several times. The graphics haven't aged well, but remasters are coming, and I do intend to play through it again. This is the best non-theatrical Star Wars story I've seen, with a twist every bit as mind-blowing as the one in Empire Strikes Back.

 

13. Bionic Commando (NES Version)

    Owned on: NES, Gameboy, GBA (In "Capcom Classics Mini-Mix"), 360 and PC (Steam): "Rearmed" Version

    While I may have blasted the arcade version, the NES version of Bionic Commando is a delightful classic. It helps that it's been remade with better graphics, but even the NES version still has its charm. This is weird, but I've always had a thing for grappling hooks, ever since Luke used one in the first Star Wars movie. Video games with grappling hooks are especially fun, and Bionic Commando uses its grab-and-swing mechanic to great success.

 

12. Life is Strange

    Owned on: PS4, PC (Steam/GOG)

    It was difficult to restrain myself from putting multiple Life is Strange games on this list. It was even harder to decide which one deserved the spot most. The prequel has some of my favorite scenes, and the newest one has the best script, but ultimately I'm going to have to go with the original. It has the best plot, with all the time travel and the gut-wrenching decisions.

 

11. Dragon Age: Origins

    Owned on: 360, PC (Steam/Origin)

    Dragon Age is basically Knights of the Old Republic in a medieval fantasy world. But it ends up being way more exciting, IMO. I've played through this one at least four times, and I could easily see going through it again.

 

10. Super Metroid

    Owned on: SNES, Wii (Virtual Console), SNES Classic

    I've been in love with the Metroid series ever since I first found out Samus Aran's true identity. I love the sci-fi setting, the upgradable power armor, and the exploration. However, the original game has aged badly, and some of the later games leaned into aspects I don't enjoy, such as overly-long boss fights. Super Metroid, the third game in the series, is the best compromise between graphics and classic gameplay. Honestly it was a bit of a toss-up between this and Zero Mission, but the SNES holds a special place in my heart. I often say that Super Metroid is my all-time favorite game, but as you can see there are other games I'd be more likely to pick up and play.

   

9. Mega Man 2

   Owned on: NES, 3DS/PC (Steam): in "Mega Man Legacy Collection"

   Capcom always knew how to get the most out of the NES. The Mega Man games had vibrant colors, memorable character designs, and a creative premise. You have a character who can absorb his enemies' weapons, you can tackle the stages in any order, and you have near perfect controls. The Mega Man games are some of the most solid side-scrolling action games in the history of video games. And for my money, Mega Man 2 was the pinnacle of the series. It had great stage design and some of the most interesting bosses. Later Mega Man games sometimes felt like they were just going through the motions, but Mega Man 2 is inspired.

 

8. Final Fantasy VI

   Owned on: SNES, GBA, PC (Steam), SNES Classic, Android

   This was the first console RPG I really liked. I'd always shied away from games like Ultima and Dragon Warrior because they looked boring. At the time I felt like video games should test your manual dexterity, and having your attacks based on math just sounded dull. But then I read a glowing review of Final Fantasy III (the American name of FFVI for the SNES), and it convinced me to at least rent it. It seriously blew me away. The way these primitive little sprites could convey so much emotion, the sheer enormity of the plot, the huge variety in the way different characters worked... it all added up to something huge. And not to mention the length. Just when you think you've beaten the game, the bad guy shows up and destroys the world, and you realize... this game's only half over.

 

7. Crazy Climber

   Owned on: PS4

   This is one of the few games on this list that I've only bought once, but it's not for lack of trying. Crazy Climber was the first arcade game I really fell in love with as a child. I must have really tested my parents' patience, always making them drive across town for the one arcade that had Crazy Climber in it. I always wanted it for home consoles, even though I knew it would lose part of its charm - without twin joysticks, it just wouldn't have been the same game. It didn't matter, though, since it never seemed to come out for any consoles I owned. I'm just glad that when I finally managed to play it again as an adult, it was on a system with twin joysticks. And it holds up. Sure, the graphics are positively ancient, but like Pac-Man and Dig Dug, the visuals are exactly as good as they need to be. It was one of the first games I bought for my PS4, and I still keep coming back to it now and then.

 

6. Super Mario World

   Owned on: SNES, Wii (Virtual Console), SNES Classic

   I knew there had to be a Mario game on this list, but it was hard to decide which one. I didn't want to include Mario Maker because I consider it a multiplayer game - one of the best motivations to design cool levels is to show them off to other people. So it really boiled down to Super Mario Bros 3 and Super Mario World. But I have found over the years that I am a little bit more likely to go back and play Super Mario World. The controls are tight, the graphics are colorful, and every level is just pure, undistilled fun.

 

5. Chrono Trigger

   Owned on: SNES, DS, PC (Steam), Android

   Where do I even begin? Time travel! Multiple endings! Double and Triple Techs! A "New Game Plus" feature that gives the game infinite replayability! A lot of JRPGs lose their charm once you beat them, but Chrono Trigger is one of those games I can keep playing forever. It never hit me emotionally as much as the Final Fantasy games, but it's so much more fun. Honestly, in what other game can your party consist of a robot, a cavewoman, and a frog?

 

4. Super Castlevania IV

   Owned on: SNES, Wii (Virtual Console), SNES Classic, PS4/PC (Steam): in "Castlevania Anniversary Collection"

   Oddly, this is probably one of the less popular Castlevania games. It's not as nostalgia-inducing as the NES games, and it's not a "Metroidvania" like some of the other games in the series. It's basically a generic action game with a Castlevania theme. And I love that. There's no story to get bogged down in, there's no running back and forth to collect powerups, it's just a fun afternoon whipping monsters. It has gorgeous graphics and an excellent soundtrack. The controls are fantastic, with a multi-directional whip you can even use like a grappling hook in some places. It's just a solid platformer that I can pick up and play whenever I want.

 

3. Saints Row IV

   Owned on: PC (Steam), PS4

   This is one of the newer games to make this list, but I think it will stand the test of time. I believe this because before I tried the Saints Row series, I was resintalling GTA3 and/or Vice City every few years. But SR4 outshines those GTA games in every possible way, and it adds character customization, humor, and sci-fi elements. Open world games always have more replay value than other games, and SR4 is the best GTA-style game I've played. It's one of those games where I can spend hours driving around town or jumping from building to building, ignoring actual missions in favor of self-imposed challenges.

 

2. The Sims 4

   Owned on: PC (Origin)

   The Sims games have always been a guilty pleasure. In no other game can I spend so much time accomplishing nothing. It's one of those games I can play for an entire weekend, sun up to sun down, and then not play again for a year. The first Sims game came out more than 20 years ago, and I would bet good money that I've played a Sims game at least once a year ever since that first release. When your real life is having a downturn, nothing beats living vicariously through your digital avatars.

 

1. Skyrim

   Owned on: PC (Steam), PS4

   I know people tend to think that Skyrim is overhyped, or has at least outworn its welcome, but honestly? It's the one game I can always go back to, time after time. It's my comfort game. I've beaten the main storyline at least twice, spent hundreds of hours on sidequests, and yet I'm positive I've only seen half the game. I can't tell you how much time I've spent just running through the countryside, seeing what pops up. Admittedly the actual dungeons are a bit repetitive, but I can always find something to do that keeps me entertained.

 

 

And there you have it. Sometimes I don't think I know myself as much as I should. I've spent a lot of money buying classic games, trying to recapture my youth, only to see those games gather virtual dust in my Steam account. But the above list represents my actual gaming habits, not counting the weekly matches of "Beach Buggy Racing 2" and "Puyo Puyo Tetris 2" I play with my wife, or the solitaire I play on my phone when I go to the doctor.

 

Just those last three games - Saints Row IV, Sims 4, and Skyrim - could probably keep me satisfied for many more years, especially if I have access to mods. Sure, new games are nice, but there's something about replaying old favorites that just makes me feel whole.

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings

I thought Shang-Chi was pretty good. If I had one complaint, it's that it doesn't really fit the rest of the MCU. It feels like a martial arts movie that just happens to take place in the Marvel universe. But that's not really a complaint; in fact, that's what I've been wanting from the MCU.

 

Sometimes the MCU feels like watching the same movie over and over with different characters. This one is different. It still has that same Marvel tone we've grown to love, with lots of quippy dialogue mixed with physics-defying action. But the sci-fi/superhero aspect has been swapped with mysticism and legend. And it works. I wish this creative team had handled the last Mortal Kombat movie.

 

The visuals are beautiful, though a couple of the CGI creatures could have used more work. The fight choreography is amazing, and the action scenes are frequent and inventive. I can only remember one spot where I started to get a little bored, but every movie's got to have an exposition dump somewhere.

 

Beyond that, there's not much to say. It was a good story, but I don't know what they're planning to do with the character. The ending implies greater plans for the title artifact than for the character himself. Not to mention setting up a villainous organization.

 

This feels like it might be an important movie going forward, setting up whatever MacGuffin is going to replace the Infinity Stones. I'm worried that some people might think this one is skippable, because it doesn't feature heroes they grew up with. If you're on the fence, don't skip it. Shang-Chi may not be Captain America, but it's still a fun movie, and it might be required viewing to understand the next big threat.

The End of the MCU

Earlier I saw a clickbait article on "Why the MCU Needs To End Now" or something like that, complaining that the quality is about to go down now that the best heroes are out of the way. It reminded me of something a friend of mine recently said: "Do we really need a movie for every single minor Marvel character?"

Both of y'all are missing the point. Now that the big heroes are out of the way, the fun can begin.

You know what my favorite comic book was when I was a kid? Captain Carrot and his Amazing Zoo Crew by DC Comics. It was a comic about a superhero team, on a world full of animal people. It's like if Zootopia had a Justice League.

Do you know how many movies DC would have to put out before they decided to make a Zoo Crew movie? They release a new Batman cartoon every couple of years, but do you think we'll ever see a Captain Carrot animated series?

The fact is, not everything is for you. When it comes to reviewing movies, the best mindset you can learn is that you're not every movie's target audience. When you walk out of a romantic comedy complaining that it didn't have enough action, or whine that the Pixar movie you just saw was too juvenile, remember that some people in the audience probably loved it. Learn the difference between "This movie is bad" and "This movie isn't for me."

So here's the thing:  Every comic book hero, no matter how obscure, is somebody's favorite. Right now, somebody is waiting patiently for a Squirrel Girl movie, and it might even be me. But if they were to end the MCU, then it would just get rebooted in a few years, starting with brand new versions of Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, and Hulk. And the clock counting down to a Squirrel Girl movie would reset.

The longer they keep this continuity going, the greater the chance that some of the lesser known heroes will get a chance to shine. Plus, we'll eventually get to see some of the generational heroes, like the Young Avengers. You're reading this and probably thinking, "But they could do that anyway, separate from the MCU. Even if they reboot, there's nothing stopping them from making a Squirrel Girl movie or a series about Tony Stark's daughter." And you're right. But the current continuity makes it so much easier.

Already having an established series where the audience is in love with the universe, where big name heroes have already made their mark on the world, where the relationships are already in place to set up a new generation of teen heroes... I mean, you don't just want to throw that away.

Plus, how do you know you're not going to love the next obscure hero?  I barely knew anything about Guardians of the Galaxy before the movie came out, and those ended up being two of my favorite MCU films.  So if the MCU is still going strong ten years from now, and you see the first trailers for a "Night Nurse" movie, keep an open mind. You never know.

Granted, none of our opinions matter here. Realistically, the MCU will persist as long as it continues to be profitable. One bad movie won't kill the series; it's too strong. It would probably take three consecutive bad movies for them to consider a reboot, and maybe not even then. I mean, look at Star Wars - at this point there's more bad Star Wars movies than good ones (at least according to most fans; personally I love almost all of them), and it hasn't been rebooted.

I'm not saying the MCU should go on forever, I'm just saying that ending a continuity isn't something to be taken lightly.  So bring on Ka-Zar.  Bring on Wonder Man.  Bring on Spider-Woman.  No idea is too silly, no character is too obscure. I'd much rather see a Hellcow movie than an Iron Man reboot, wouldn't you?

What If...?

Did you really think I wasn't going to gush over this show?  Uatu know better than that.  Seriously, this is my favorite Marvel TV series so far.  I always loved the "What If...?" comic book series, along with DC's "Elseworlds" comics - I just love seeing alternate versions of my favorite heroes.  It's like a Marvel-themed Twilight Zone.  

The concept is awesome.  Take stories you know so well, change one element, and see where the butterfly effect takes you.  Sometimes they ask something obvious, like in the first episode where Peggy Carter gets the super soldier serum.  Then we have the second episode asking what if Black Panther had been Star-Lord - something no Marvel fan had ever wondered.  And yet both episodes are brilliant.  In fact, several times I've been dubious when I saw the title of an episode, but the episode itself turned out to be great.

I also love that they're sticking to the MCU films here.  It gives all viewers a common ground, so that nobody has to have read "Sub-Mariner vs She-Hulk issue 143" to understand where the plot deviates.  I hear they're already working on season 2, and planning to add new seasons annually.  This surprises me.  You'd think they'd want to wait for another decade of movies they can draw from, instead of mining the same films for ideas over and over.  

As of this blog, there's 25 MCU films to draw from.  But that pales in comparison to the thousands of stories the "What If...?" comic series had to draw from.  Season 2 is probably already too far along to include elements from Shang-Chi or The Eternals, so it will be another season of stories from the same characters that were in season 1.  That's fine, as long as they pick good stories, but I can't wait for new blood.  Just think what resources they'll have once the MCU has some X-Men and Fantastic Four movies under its belt.

I'm just afraid we're going to get too many variations of "What if (Hero A) had the powers of (Hero B)?" or "What if (Hero) became evil?" with the occasional "What if (Villain) got the Infinity Stones?"  Not that it wouldn't be entertaining, but it could get tedious after a while.  But hopefully my worries are groundless.  

The animation is beautiful.  I love the style.  I saw someone on YouTube complaining about the animation the other day, and frankly I'm starting to think some people shouldn't be allowed to have opinions.  

Anyway, here's my ranking of the first Season of Marvel's "What If...?"

1. S01E01 "What If... Captain Carter Were the First Avenger?"

There's a good reason they made this the first episode.  Agent Carter as Cap is iconic.  You can slap her on the front of a DVD cover and instantly understand what the series is about.  Plus I love female versions of male heroes.  Rumor has it they're planning on continuing her story, putting one Captain Carter episode in each season. Personally I'd rather she just got a spin-off.

2. S01E03 "What If... the World Lost Its Mightiest Heroes?" 

So it's a bit dark, but I found this murder mystery very compelling.  I also loved how it kept showing iconic scenes from the movies, but from other characters' perspectives, giving us another view of the universe.

3. S01E02 "What If... T'Challa Became a Star-Lord?" 

Crazy idea, fun episode.  I loved how charming T'Challa's was, and seeing Thanos as a hero was great.  It took an army of heroes to defeat Thanos in Endgame, but T'Challa could have prevented the whole mess if he'd had the chance to give Thanos a good talking to.

4. S01E05 "What If... Zombies?!" 

I wasn't expecting to like this one, but I was pleasantly surprised.  Zombie stories are a dime-a-dozen these days.  The humor really saved it.

5. S01E07 "What If... Thor Were an Only Child?" 

This light-hearted romp was a nice change of pace after multiple downer episodes.  I'm glad they let loose and did a comedy episode, and I'm also glad they didn't do it often.

6. E09 "What If... the Watcher broke is Oath?"

I liked the epicness of this episode, and the way it tied up a lot of loose ends from earlier episodes.  I liked how it made its own version of the Avengers using alternate versions of existing characters.  Unfortunately, certain parts of the episode dragged on a bit.  Even some of the fights were kind of boring.  

7. S01E04 "What If... Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?" 

An interesting episode, but dark and depressing.

8. S01E08 "What If... Ultron Won?" 

Actually letting Uatu be a major part of the story was a nice twist, but I hope they don't do it often.  It bugs me a little that they're giving these continuity, I prefer anthology shows to be unconnected.  The absolute worst episodes of "The Outer Limits" were the clip shows that tried to shoehorn several previous episodes into having a connected plot.  I don't want "The Adventures of Uatu", I just want to see cool alternate realities.

9. S01E06 "What If... Killmonger Rescued Tony Stark?"  

Easily the most forgettable episode so far, but not bad.  

And while I'm here... Ranking the Disney / Marvel Studios shows:

1. What If... ?
2. WandaVision
3. Loki
4. The Falcon and the Winter Soldier

Life is Strange: True Colors: Wavelengths

Note: Spoilers for the "Wavelengths" DLC for Life is Strange: True Colors.

When I first heard that Life is Strange: True Colors would have a bonus chapter, I didn't expect much from it.  I mean, yeah, I was glad that the game would have additional content, and I was excited that it featured my favorite character.  But I also remembered "Farewell", the bonus chapter of Life is Strange: Before the Storm, which was not particularly deep.

Don't get me wrong, Farewell was a great bit of storytelling, and the ending really tugged at my heartstrings.  But it didn't tell us much we didn't already know, and it was only about an hour long.  I figured Wavelengths would be similar - just a peek at Steph's first day as a DJ, without adding any real depth to the character.

I was wrong.  Wavelengths has way more content than I expected, even if the story confined to just a couple of rooms.  It took me about three hours to get through, though I think I can knock that down to two when I play it again next week.  

Wavelengths starts in the Spring, when Steph first got her job as a DJ in Haven Springs.  It has four chapters - Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter, before finally ending where the main game begins.  Oddly, even though it takes place before the main game, the bonus chapter isn't unlocked until you finish the main game.

When you first start Wavelengths, it asks you the same question that Life is Strange 2 did: Did you play the original Life is Strange, and which ending did you pick?  In LiS2, this didn't make a huge difference.  In fact, it only changes two minor scenes in the 16-20 hour game, scenes that don't affect the main plot and are only there as Easter eggs to fans of the original game.

But Wavelengths, on the other hand, relies heavily on Steph's past trauma, which will be different depending on your choice in the original LiS.  I've played through LiS more than once, making different choices each time, so I could have gone either way here.  But I said I sacrificed Arcadia Bay - I consider that ending closer to canon.  That choice ended up being referenced so much in Wavelengths, that I'm going to have to play through it again just to see the other version.

So for the rest of this blog, assume I'm just talking about the "Sacrificed Arcadia Bay" version, since I haven't played it the other way yet.  

In the first chapter, Steph starts her new job as DJ.  While in the sound booth, you can look around the room and interact with the various controls.  You have a phone, a computer, some office toys, some notes you can read, and access to a few records you can play or queue to play next.  Your tasks include taking phone calls and reading ads on the air.  You can also get up and walk around the record store, where you have other tasks, mostly involving cleaning up the store and decorating it.  

The second chapter takes place right after Pride, the third takes place around Halloween, and the fourth takes place on New Year's Eve.  Over the course of the game, the record store gets more and more cleaned up and redecorated.  Steph's desk accumulates more toys and trinkets.  Steph gradually gains the trust of the stray cat she found living in her walls.  She also slowly composes a song.

On Steph's phone, you can interact with her dating app, allowing you to swipe left or right for potential matches.  If you match with someone, you get to send them messages, some of which turn into pretty funny interactions.  None of them really turn out well for Steph, however, who keeps sinking deeper into depression.  

At one point she receives a package from her old gaming buddy Mikey, containing materials from their past tabletop campaigns.  Some of these items trigger audio memories from Steph's past.  You learn how she survived the storm in Life is Strange, who she lost, and some of what happened between the earlier games and now.  You even get to hear Chloe Price's voice in some of the memories.

Steph is only staying in Haven Springs because of her friend Gabe, and she keeps thinking about moving away.  She is haunted by her past memories, and even avoids Mikey for a while because he reminds her of past traumas.  Finally she agrees to run an RPG for him over video chat, and it helps her come to terms with things.

Not a lot actually happens in the story.  You hardly see any other characters in person, and it almost feels like Steph is in solitary confinement.  The story is very psychological, being more about Steph's emotional state than anything physical going on.  

There's a lot of fanservice in there for fans of LiS and LiS:BtS, to the point that I don't know if it will mean as much to those who started the series with True Colors.  I wonder what it does if you say you didn't play Life is Strange at all.  I suppose I'll have to play through Wavelengths two more times, once for "I saved Arcadia Bay" and once for "I never played LiS".  It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

When I finished True Colors, I came away thinking it was a little too short.  The story itself was just the right length, I just wanted... more.  With the addition of Wavelengths, True Colors now feels complete.  Overall, I'd say Wavelengths way more than just a "bonus story".  Wavelengths is the missing piece that True Colors needed to feel whole.

Flash Gordon

I just watched the 1980 version of Flash Gordon for the first time since I was a kid.  I didn't think it would hold up, but I enjoyed every minute of it.  It's cheesy and campy and all-around dumb, but it definitely fits in the "so bad it's good" category.  

I've said it before, but I like bad movies as much as good movies, as long as they aren't boring.  Flash Gordon "fails" in almost every category across the board - bad dialogue, bad acting, bad script, bad science, bad special effects, and so on.  It leans so close to self-parody that I can't decide if it's supposed to be a comedy.  

Special shout-out to BRIAN BLESSED for stealing every scene he's in with his hammy bellowing.  Also, I noticed Rocky Horror's Richard O'Brien was in it, so that's kind of cool.  The soundtrack, while repetitive, is as awesome as ever.

I was amazed at how much I remembered, but I had also forgotten a large amount of it.  I was surprised at how quickly Dale Arden fell for Flash; I had thought their relationship was more of a Han/Leia "snark until they kiss" kind of thing.  Also, not having seen the movie since I was 7, I caught a lot of innuendo I didn't catch before.  

But I remembered most of the important scenes, like Flash sticking his hand in a stump as part of a ritual, the fight to the death on a tilting platform, and the teaser at the end where someone grabs Ming's ring.  

Anyway, if you like having a "bad movie night" now and then, this is an excellent candidate.

Beach Buggy Racing 2

In 2018 I reviewed Beach Buggy Racing, one of the best budget kart racers around.  Earlier this year we picked up Beach Buggy Racing 2.  It's a big improvement, but only if you put in the time to tweak the rules.

What's improved:  More tracks, more drivers, more weapons, tweaked weapons, the ability to carry two powerups at once, more customization, and a ton of graphical upgrades including night/day effects.  There's also a Hot Wheels themed DLC with some of the best tracks yet.

What's infuriating:  The enemy AI at higher levels is godlike to the point that the game is no longer fun.  You know what?  This is my blog, so of course it's time to ramble.  Twenty years ago there was a Mortal Kombat 3 port for the Gameboy Advance.  MKA was widely panned for having poor controls and limited characters, but one of the biggest criticisms it faced was insanely cheap AI.

Imagine playing rock/paper/scissors with against a computer.  Except instead of making its choice randomly, the computer just waits to see what you pick, and instantly responds with whichever choice beats yours.  Fun, right?  Well, that's how MKA was programmed.  You fire high, it ducks.  You fire low, it jumps.  You punch, it blocks.  You let your guard down, it hits you.  It was so good at executing the perfect counter to whatever you did, it was basically like your joypad was controlling both you and the opponent simultaneously.

Beach Buggy Racing 2 has four speeds: 100, 250, 500, and 1000.  Because we played BBR1 for a couple of years on the 1000 speed, we have to select that speed now or the game feels like it's playing in slow motion.  But here's the thing - under the default rules, BBR2 ties the AI to the speed.  So in order to play at the speed we're used to, we have to play against the hardest AI.

And by "hardest AI", I mean cheapest.  And by cheapest, I mean the computer is a cheating bastard.  In any given Mario Kart game, it's always annoying when you spend 90% of the race at #1, then get taken out by a blue shell in the final stretch.  But it doesn't happen every race, and it keeps one player from dominating the circuit, so it's all in good fun.  But in BBR2, every single damn time I'm in the lead, I get hit by multiple weapons on the final stretch.

It would be one thing if these were weapons I could learn to avoid.  I'd be perfectly happy if it was just a "git gud" kind of situation, where I had to develop the skills to dodge these weapons.  But you can't.  Sure, the weapons have a sound effect, but without the ability to see behind you, you can't effectively dodge them.  Not to mention several of the weapons are homing, and some are just too fast to dodge.

And it's not just when you're about to win.  One of the reasons racing games are so fun is the feeling of speed.  But in BBR2 at the fastest setting, you don't get to feel the speed that much.  Because you're constantly getting hit with items that slow you down, spin you out, knock you off cliffs, and so on.  So instead of long stretches where you feel the wind going through your virtual hair, it's more like race, pause, race, pause, race, pause... and it really isn't fun.

Another problem I have is that, well, I just don't believe that the enemies have actually picked up the weapons they use.  Like, I'll shoot at an enemy vehicle, and it immediately uses an invincibility powerup to counter it.  They just happened to be carrying an invincibility powerup that they hadn't used yet.  No, I don't believe it.  It happens too often to be a coincidence - they really are using powerups they never picked up.

But!  This is where customization saves the day.  The game includes several optional rulesets, and the ability to save your own custom set of rules.  I personally had to turn off the "link AI to speed" feature, then lower the AI all the way down to the lowest setting.  That way I can race at the fastest setting without constantly fending off unstoppable murderbots.  Unfortunately, doing so prevents you from unlocking a few cars, but them's the breaks.

So if you like kart racers, do buy this game, especially if you can get it on sale.  But if you find the difficulty a bit off-putting, take the time to customize the rules to your liking.  There is a wonderful gem of a game in here, but only if you take the time to fix it.

Life is Strange: True Colors

I just finished playing through Life is Strange: True Colors, and I couldn't be more satisfied.  It's not a perfect game, and it's not even my favorite in the series, but it is probably the best written of the four games.  

Minor spoilers ahead - I'll avoid major plot points.  I will mention the nature of the ending but not the specifics.  You might want to avoid looking at the screenshots.

The high points: The voice acting, the facial expressions, and the script.  Previous Life is Strange games had dialogue that even fans sometimes referred to as "cringe".  While I don't fully agree, I at least understand where they're coming from.  The dialogue in this one felt more natural.

The facial expressions were spot on, which is important for a game about emotions.  The main character, Alex Chen, was particularly expressive.  She had some of the best facial motion capture I've ever seen.

The scenery is beautiful.  It simultaneously feels more open world and more restrictive than previous games in the series - most of the chapters give you free reign of Main Street, but the number of locations you visit is probably the smallest in the series.  But while the area is small, it's an idyllic setting that make me long to visit Colorado.

Your choices matter.  You're a newcomer to a small town, and you need to get to know the other townsfolk.  You have to build relationships if you want them to stand with you later.

And Steph.  Just Steph.  I want to marry her, and I want to be her.  She's easily my favorite character in the series, and it was nice to see her in a larger role.

The low points:  The supernatural power this time feels a bit low key compared to the previous games.  Alex has the power to read people's emotions, and skim their surface thoughts.  Compared to LiS1's time rewinding, or LiS2's telekinesis, it's not nearly as impactful.  But the game makes good use of it.

The plot is a bit slow, and the conversations are very wordy.  In a way, it helps, because this is a game about building friendships and learning about the citizens of your new hometown.  But it also feels like there's a lot of padding to make the game longer.  Maybe it's because it was released all at once (instead of episodically like earlier games in the series), but it seems a lot shorter than the other games.

My favorite scene in LiS: Before the Storm was when you got to act in a school play.  A good portion of the story built up to the play, and it had a great payoff.  True Colors does something similar with a LARP event.  Unfortunately, I found the LARP to be a little bit tedious and more complicated than it needed to be.  It was a fun scene, but it just went on a little long.  

There is a huge difference, graphically, between the main characters and the extras.  While Alex is almost photorealistic, some of the other characters look like they were carved out of wood.  There's one guy who looks exactly like the plastic Santa robot from The Santa Clause 2.  It's funny when a group of people are in the same room, because the differences between the low res characters and high res characters really stand out.

Also, the game is full of graphical glitches, at least on the version I played (PS4).  There was some serious pop-in during scene transitions, and sometimes sections of the screen would go black when Alex was using her powers.  Hopefully these issues will get patched out soon.  Oh, and the load times are insane.

The ending:  Like the other games in the series, the ending does present you with a binary choice.  However, this happened after the climax, so it was more like deciding which "happily ever after" you wanted to see.  The actual climax reminded me of the courtroom scene in Chrono Trigger, with your previous interactions with the townsfolk determining which ones support you in your hour of need.

Screenshots:

My Choices:

Ranking the DCEU

1. Wonder Woman (2017)
2. Aquaman (2018)
3. Shazam! (2019)
4. The Suicide Squad (2021)
5. Suicide Squad (2016)
6. Birds of Prey (2020)
7. Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
8. Justice League (2017)
9. Man of Steel (2013)
10. Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021)
11. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

This one is kind of hard, because honestly, none of these movies are as good as the MCU.  That really pains me, because I grew up liking DC more than Marvel.  I'm hoping the upcoming Flashpoint movie reboots things in a way that allows future DC movies to be, well, fun.  That's not asking for too much, is it?  Superhero movies that actually make me smile?

I've already blogged about most of these movies, but here's some specific notes.  In release date order, with links to my original blogs (if I blogged them):

Man of Steel (2013) - Not terrible, but it was overly long and dull.  Superman is supposed to be full of optimism, but this movie shoots for more gritty realism.  But the bigger sin is that it set the tone for this entire series of movies.  Want to know why the DCEU never reached the heights of the MCU?  Bad foundation.  

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016) - AAAAAAAUUUUUUGGH!  'nuff said.

Suicide Squad (2016) - Fun, quirky, but suffered a lot from bad editing and the lackluster ending.

Wonder Woman (2017) - The closest the DCEU comes to a perfect movie, but it kind of runs out of steam halfway through.  I wish the villain had been cooler.

Justice League (2017) - Kind of fun, but full of flaws.

Aquaman (2018) - I debated on whether this should be number one.  Both this and WW are strong movies, maybe the only two A-list movies in the series, but Aquaman felt sort of silly in ways Wonder Woman did not.  It was a tough call.

Shazam! (2019) - Again, DC just can't make a perfect movie.  Who is this for?  On the one hand, it's light-hearted and feels like a kid's movie.  On the other hand, it has some of the scariest scenes in the entire DCEU.  But it is fun, like a Shazam movie should be, and a lot more entertaining than most of the movies on this list.

Birds of Prey (2020) - A beautiful mess.  This has the distinction of being the last movie I saw in a theater, and isn't that sad?  Overall, I liked it, but they really didn't know what they were doing here.

Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) - I really wanted this one to be better, but there's just too many flaws.  Gal Gadot is as amazing as ever, but the story just isn't very good.

Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021) - Of the two Justice League cuts, this one is the better movie.  But it's less fun than the theatrical cut, and that's why it's farther down the list.

The Suicide Squad (2021) - I'm not even sure if this counts as a DCEU movie, as it's sort of considered a soft reboot.  But there's no reason it can't exist in the same universe as the films that came before it.  Anyway, it's worth seeing.

The Suicide Squad

I don't know, I kind of liked the first Suicide Squad movie.  It had a dull "final boss" and it wasn't edited very well, but it was fun and had a quirky charm.  But most people didn't like it.  Go figure.  

2021's "The Suicide Squad" seems to have a lot more fans.  I can see why.  If nothing else, the final battle is a lot cooler.  But the two movies are similar enough that it's hard to review one without comparing it to the other.  So, a quick comparison:  

I like the characters better in the second one.  King Shark beats Killer Croc, hands down.  

I like the dialogue better in the second one.  Some of the comedic exchanges are pure gold.  However, it reminded me a little of Joss Whedon, in that it was obvious that all the dialogue was written by the same person. 

I like the soundtrack better in the first one.  Which is funny, because James Gunn usually nails soundtracks.  Though the first Suicide Squad kind of used up most of its soundtrack in the first half hour.

One of the problems I have with most people's opinions, is that they tend to only remember the last half hour of a movie.  When I saw "Attack of the Clones" with one of my relatives, she went on and on about how the movie was just jam-packed with non-stop action.  But that's not true, AotC is actually a pretty talky movie until about halfway through.  But the last 45 minutes is very exciting, and that's what you tend to remember most.

And that's kind of how I felt watching The Suicide Squad.  I'd already heard positive buzz about it, so I went in expecting a non-stop thrill ride.  But about halfway through I found myself thinking, "So, when does it get good?"  I mean, it wasn't necessarily bad up to that point, it just wasn't the laugh-a-minute actionfest I was promised.  But when the movie finally paid off, it really paid off.

And that's another way it contrasted with the first Suicide Squad movie.  I thought the first movie had a really strong opening, and gradually got duller and duller toward the end.  

Anyway, I like both movies, but the new one is definitely better.  Neither one is perfect, but they're both pretty fun.

Masters of the Universe: Revelations (Netflix)

I just binged the first five episodes of "Masters of the Universe: Revelations" on Netflix.  It's not bad.  

Background: I loved the He-Man cartoons when I was a kid in the 80s.  They weren't quite up there with the Holy Trinity (Star Wars, G.I. Joe, and Transformers), but I still watched the cartoons and owned a lot of the toys.  I haven't paid much attention to the franchise since the 80s, though.  I know there have been a few attempts at bringing it back, but nothing ever caught my eye.

The new series is a sequel to the 80s cartoon, and it even makes direct references to some of the specific classic episodes.  But it takes itself a lot more seriously.  That's a point of contention with me, honestly.  I mean, MotU has always been sort of silly.  With goofy characters like Clawful and Stinkor, I'm not sure it deserved a darker, more serious tone.  But it works, in its own way.

He-Man himself doesn't get much screen time, and the story is more focused on Teela.  So of course, it got review bombed by tons of misogynistic trolls.  Keep that in mind if you see it has a low rating somewhere - some of the ratings don't actually reflect the quality of the show, but rather the politics of the reviewers.

If you're reading this blog, then you probably know that I prefer female antagonists.  But it goes beyond that.  Even when I was a kid, I thought He-Man was the least interesting MotU character.  He was basically Conan with Superman's personality, and there just wasn't much to him.  I was a big Stratos fan myself, but I also had a thing for Trap-Jaw.  In fact, the show's focus on He-Man might be one of the reasons it never reached the aforementioned "Holy Trinity" status for me.

So downplaying the He-Man character was probably the most interesting thing the new MotU could have done.  It gave some of the other characters a chance to shine for a change.  To be fair, some of the review bombers complained that He-Man was prominent in the trailers, and accused it of false advertising.  It's a legitimate complaint, but they had to do it that way to make some of the twists more surprising in the show itself.

The voice cast is pretty good.  Mark Hamill's Skeletor kind of gives me an uncanny valley feeling, since it's sort of like the Joker but without the humorous edge.  I'm not crazy about Sarah Michelle Gellar as Teela, because it sounds like a weak character's voice coming out of a much stronger character.  It made sense for Gellar to play Buffy, because that show's concept was about a powerful fighter in the body of a waif.  But Teela's appearance and voice just don't really match up, IMO.

The art is pretty good.  Cartoons have come a long way since the 80s, and the animation is a lot smoother.  Some characters look better than others.  I love that Prince Adam actually looks different from He-Man this time; it's more believable that his disguise fools anyone.  Orko kind of creeps me out, with his mystical eyes and scrawny blue arms.  The only part I really don't like is the obvious CGI in places.  I thought cartoons had gotten better about that.

It throws in a lot of Easter eggs for long-time fans, including an entire episode set in "Preternia" - a prehistoric setting from a cancelled toy line, but now repurposed as the Eternian afterlife.  The series features several characters and vehicles that were relatively obscure in the original run.  In fact, in some ways it feels more like a toy commercial than the original series did, even if it's no longer easy to buy these toys.

The fifth episode ends on a very big cliffhanger, with a twist far gutsier than anything seen in the original cartoon.  I do hope they aren't too slow about posting the rest of the series.  I'm ready for more.

Invincible (Amazon Prime)

I just finished season one of Invincible.  Wow, that's some powerful stuff.  I went into this show without having read any of the comics, but some of the twists had already been spoiled for me.  There seems to be a certain genre of comics that exists only to subvert our expectations.  The problem is, edgy subversions are becoming so common, that "wholesome" is becoming the new edgy.

I think the real problem is that there's only so many plots (at least, only so many that readers find entertaining), but a seemingly unlimited number of writers.  Now that the internet can make anyone a writer (just sign over most of your profits to the Kindle store), we're seeing more copycat works than ever.  Amazon is bursting with books about vampire romance or wizarding schools.  It takes an amazing mind to come up with something truly original.

Unfortunately, Invincible isn't it.  The show is full of clever observations on the realities of super hero crime fighting, but they're not so clever that I hadn't seen these tropes before.  But at least it combines these tropes in an entertaining way.

When I first saw the trailer for Invincible, I thought, "great, another modern take on superheroes that uses graphic violence to be edgy."  But the actual show is pretty good about only using gore to make a point.  

Saving Private Ryan used violence to show the horrors of war.  The Passion of the Christ used violence to make Christ's pain seem more real, instead of the "fairy tale" quality most Biblical films have.  They weren't pandering to teenage slasher fans, they were serious movies that used violence to make serious points.

Invincible seems similar in its intentions, though it's going to appeal to the teenage edgelords as well.  When the title character enters his first mass battle against some alien invaders, he sees citizens getting blasted into pieces.  He ends up covered in blood and gore from those slain, and it rightly freaks him out.  He tries to save an elderly woman, but he ends up injuring her more in the process.  

The whole scene is there to show that being a superhero isn't as neat and clean as he thought.  Invincible (the character) had grown up reading comics and watching other heroes (including his father) fight bad guys on TV.  But that didn't prepare him for how real things would get when he became a hero himself.

When it's not making a point, the violence isn't any worse than an episode of Justice League.  The first episode's opening scene has a team of Justice League expys defending the White House from a pair of criminals.  Barely any blood is spilled, innocent lives are saved at the last minute, and on the whole it could have been a kid's cartoon.  The plot of the first episode rips a lot from Sky High, and it looks like the episode will end on a high note.  

And then, the subversion comes.  I'm not going to spoil it here, but when the tone changes, it really changes.  That said, I really wasn't surprised much.  The season had a few twists, none of which were really twisty.  Some of the so-called surprises were spoiled by memes, but they're also pretty well telegraphed in the show itself.  I mean, even my wife knows that a certain character is secretly evil, and she hasn't even watched a full trailer.

But that might be on purpose.  Maybe they want you to know certain twists going in, so you'll be even more surprised by later subversions of subversions in season two, I don't know yet.  All I can tell you is that while none of the show's tropes scream "original" to me, this combination of tropes is still pretty fresh.

I'm a little afraid to keep going, though.  It was written by Robert Kirkman, the same guy who wrote The Walking Dead.  I read the first 100 or so issues of TWD, and while it was pretty good, I don't like "anyone can die" style writers.  Kirkman's the kind of guy who will develop a character for 75 issues, then unceremoniously kill them off because he thinks it makes his penis look big.  

If I keep watching Invincible, sooner or later a character I like will die.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not so fragile that I can't handle the death of fictional characters.  But I still don't find it entertaining when a character I like is killed.

Do I recommend the show?  That's hard to say.  I'm not even sure why I like it.  But if you like superheroes, and graphic violence doesn't churn your stomach, then you could do a lot worse.  

Black Widow

Note, there will be spoilers for previous MCU films, but I'll try to save Black Widow-specific spoilers for the footnotes.

Let's get this out of the way - Yes, it's weird that they waited until after the character died to give her a solo movie.  Yes, the movie feels like an apology to Black Widow fans for not making the most of her character before killing her off.  And yes, all of this makes it difficult to judge the movie on its own merits.  But give me a break.

In a world where people have fantastic powers and supernatural abilities, it's a little weird to watch a movie about (mostly) unpowered people.  It's like watching a Star Wars movie that doesn't center on Jedi.  But Rogue One (and even Solo) proved that such a thing does work, and so does Black Widow.

So, a quick, "spoiler light" summary.  After Civil War, Natasha Romanoff is on the run from the US government.  She finds out that the assassin organization that trained her is still in business, and decides to shut it down for good.  She teams up with her former family, and faces off against an enemy who can mimic her fight patterns.  The plot is actually pretty light.

Thematically, Black Widow reminds me more of "Captain America: The Winter Soldier" than any other MCU film.  Taskmaster is very similar to the Winter Soldier (see "spoiler 1" footnote), both movies involve a hero bringing down an organization they used to work for (spoiler 2), and they even both have similar climaxes (spoiler 3).  But overall, both movies just feel more like spy films than superhero films.

I don't like spy films.  I'm not a huge fan of The Winter Soldier, because it reminds me too much of the Bourne movies (which I pretty much despise).  But somehow, Black Widow works for me.  Maybe it's just because I prefer having a female protagonist.  Maybe it's because it's newer.  I do tend to like brand new MCU movies more than ones I've seen a lot, so who knows if Black Widow will age well.

Every once in a while it struck me that Natasha wasn't in any real danger, because we already know how she's going to die.  But that really didn't make the action scenes any less intense.  I tend to rewatch MCU movies a lot, so most of the time I already know the main character isn't going to die.  Hell, the first Captain America movie was told mostly in flashback, and we still didn't find it any less exciting knowing he wasn't going to die.

One thing that annoyed me:  While the majority of the Black Widow takes place between Civil War and Infinity War, the post-credits scene takes place in the current time, which leads me to a bit of a Star Wars-esque conundrum.  In the future, should new MCU viewers watch Black Widow in timeline order or film order?  The movie works better if you watch it sometime before Infinity War, but then the post-credits scene goes and spoils her death in Endgame.

Bottom line:  Black Widow isn't bad.  The action scenes are top notch.  The plot is pretty basic.  It's a little too similar to The Winter Soldier.  I can't quite rank it in the top 10 MCU movies, but it's close.  It's not going to blow your socks off, but it's a worthy addition to the series.

Spoiler Footnotes:

1. They're even both mind controlled. 

2. Hydra-infested SHIELD vs the Red Room.

3. In that they both involve fighting on an air vehicle while it crashes to the ground.

On Star Wars and Planning Ahead

I just thought this was funny:

J.J. Abrams Reflects on 'Star Wars' and When It's Critical to Have a Plan

Uh huh.  Look, now is not the time to realize, "Maybe you should plan trilogies in advance."  The time for that would have been at least six years ago.  And it's not like it was some major philosophical question with no right answer.  If they had polled 100 Star Wars fans with the question, "Would you prefer a trilogy that was planned out in advance, or would you prefer we have multiple directors make up the story as they go along?"  I bet nearly 100% of them would have agreed that a planned trilogy is best.

I apologize in advance, some of this is going to be a repeat of things I blogged before, and most of it will be incoherent ranting.

Look, I'm one of the biggest Star Wars apologists out there.  The truth is, I like all the live action theatrical Star Wars movies.  I love The Force Awakens, on its own.  I like The Last Jedi, on its own (somewhat).  I like Rise of Skywalker, on its own.  I find all three installments of the sequel trilogy to be enjoyable in their own way.

But as a trilogy, it sucks.  And the reason it sucks?  It doesn't tell a cohesive story.  To be fair, that's not necessarily a requirement for a trilogy.  I mean, look at the prequel trilogy.  Episode 1 is a standalone story telling the origin of Anakin, then parts 2 & 3 are their own two part story about the Clone Wars.  But The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi set up plotlines that never really paid off in the end.

The Force Awakens is a great opener, and if the rest of the trilogy had actually followed the story it set up, the trilogy would have been awesome.  Yeah, TFA is a little bit too similar to A New Hope in story structure, but it has a certain modern crispness that makes it the superior movie.  It's like "A New Hope 2.0".  It's the same way I feel about Jurassic Park and Jurassic World.  The sequel is basically a high definition remake, and sometimes that's all it takes to make me happy.  It may be lazy writing, but it makes the old feel new again.

The Last Jedi is flawed, but it does a great job of subverting our expectations, and it takes the trilogy in a new direction.  It's my least favorite of the three, mostly because it doesn't really feel like a Star Wars movie.  But it does have a few great battles and some amazing visuals, just enough to keep me happy.  I'd put it on par with The Phantom Menace - it has two or three stellar scenes, and the rest is boring.

The Rise of Skywalker spends too much time fixing The Last Jedi's mistakes, but it's so crammed full of action, I don't have time to care.  Palpatine's resurrection comes out of nowhere, and it would have been nice if it had been foreshadowed earlier in the trilogy.  But that's what happens when you write a trilogy by passing a baton.  RoS feels closer to TFA than TLJ, making TLJ the oddball entry in the trilogy.

Some people say that Episode 9 would have been better if it had run with the threads set up by The Last Jedi, but I disagree.  TLJ's ideas just weren't that great, and if they had kept going in that direction, I think the trilogy would have just sucked in a different way.  It's easy to say, "If they'd used my ideas it would have been a better movie," when there's no way to prove it.

Yes, I'm aware of that "Duel of the Fates" script floating around the internet, and no I haven't read it.   So I can't yet comment on whether it's a good alternate for Episode 9.  But even if it's awesome, having a good script is still no guarantee of a good movie.  (Though it definitely helps.)  Let me remind you that both versions of Psycho are practically shot-for-shot identical, and yet one is a masterpiece while the other tanked.

As it is, The Force Awakens is a decent standalone film.  The Last Jedi feels like the first part of a two-parter that never got finished.  Rise of Skywalker is a fun standalone film, though it's a little bit overpacked with TLJ's baggage.

If I were to remake one, it wouldn't be Rise of Skywalker.  I would remake The Last Jedi so that it explored who Snoke was, finally revealing that he was one of the failed clones of Palpatine, and hinting that more cloning attempts were still happening.  I would allude to the shipyards of Exogol, so people wouldn't be so confused about where all these new Star Destroyers came from.  I'd also throw in some hints that when Kylo tells Rey that she's no one, he's either lying or doesn't actually know.  

In fact, these scenes could be added to TLJ with little effort, and a lot of other content could be cut.  I, for one, could do without the mutiny subplot.  With the right edits to TLJ (and a few minor cuts to RoS), we would have a cohesive trilogy that actually feels like it was planned.

Some people want to go so far as to declare the sequel trilogy non-canon.  I see no reason to go that far.  I look at it like a big budget TV series.  Every series is going to have bad episodes.  That doesn't mean we need to declare that the events of the episode didn't happen.  "Thor: The Dark World" is arguably the worst of the MCU films, but it sets up some of the events in Infinity War and Endgame, so it's not like it should be declared non-canon.  The events still happened, they're just not entertaining enough to rewatch as often.

Overturning canon should only be done if the events limit future installments.  For example, 2018's Halloween sequel ignores most of the films in the franchise, because they contradicted the new story they wanted to tell.  I would be delighted if somebody did the same for Aliens.  Alien 3's plot actually prevented the series from going forward the way it should have.  If they hadn't killed off the survivors of Aliens, there were a lot of possibilities in the future adventures of Ripley, Hicks, and/or a grown up Newt.  

But whether you liked or hated the last couple of Star Wars movies, there's nothing in them that interferes with future installments.  Yes, most of the main cast from the original trilogy died, but most of them were too old to be having a lot of sci-fi adventures anyway.  A new trilogy would be set far enough in the future (or the past) that it would have a whole new cast, and there's nothing in the sequel trilogy that prevents that.  

I still mostly blame the fans for the failure of the sequel trilogy.  Everyone hated The Last Jedi when it came out.  Don't deny it.  You hated it.  I know this because I was the only one who didn't hate it, and at the time, I searched all over the internet looking for people like me.  I didn't imagine this.  Heck, they say that one of the reasons Solo tanked is because people were still pissed about The Last Jedi.

Admit it:  You hated The Last Jedi until the minute you saw Rise of Skywalker.  Then suddenly you were like, "WHAT?  But I LOVED The Last Jedi!  Why didn't they use any of the ideas set up by The Last Jedi?"  You fucking liar.  If you really meant it, then you would have stood up for the movie when it actually mattered, and you would have gone to see Solo.

In general, I don't care if people agree with me about movies.  Live and let live.  If you like a movie I didn't, fine.  If you hate a movie I like, fine.  Sometimes I get a little annoyed if people hate one of my favorite movies, especially if their reasons for disliking it are based on a misconception.  But I try not to hold it against them.  And yet... people who hate Rise of Skywalker because it didn't follow The Last Jedi - honestly, that's one of my berserk buttons.

You had your chance to declare your love for TLJ.  YOU.  HAD.  YOUR.  CHANCE.  You chose to remain silent while the rest of the internet raged against the movie.  You sat quietly by while the studio took in audience input, and used that data to make a sequel that bowed more to fanservice.  We can complain all we want about J. J. (which I assume stands for Jar Jar) Abrams not planning the trilogy ahead, but you're guilty too.  By allowing Disney to think everyone hated The Last Jedi, you didn't plan ahead.  You didn't stop to think about how audience reactions would shape the third film.

So I'll say it again - if liked The Last Jedi, but you didn't like Rise of Skywalker, it's your fucking fault, and I'd like to invite you to shut the hell up about it for good.  At the very least, you could have gone to see Solo a few extra times.  Maybe if Solo had done better, Disney wouldn't have panicked about the direction of the sequel trilogy.

But I digress.  Here's the thing... before he got involved with Star Wars, J. J. Abrams was best known for his work on Lost.  Everybody knows that Lost was full of setups without payoffs.  They spent season after season throwing random crap at the wall to see what would stick, and while some of it looked planned, the writers really had no idea where they were going most of the time.

So when they handed The Force Awakens over to Abrams, it seems like somebody should have checked up on him.  Maybe one of the higher ups at Disney should have called him once or twice and said, "Um, you do have a plan for the entire trilogy, right?"  Look, I like Abrams.  He's pretty good at making entertaining movies.  But for a trilogy as important as Star Wars, he should not be left unsupervised.  This "pass the flashlight" method of storytelling is fine for some franchises, but not for Star Wars.

But hopefully the article above means that they've learned their lesson.  If they do film another Star Wars trilogy (as opposed to standalone films), maybe they'll plan out the story in advance.

We can only hope.

Retro Game Review: Bionic Commando

Bionic Commando hit the arcades in 1987, followed a year later by an NES adaptation.  I only played the arcade version a few times, but I loved it.  Or at least I thought I did.  When the NES version came out, I enjoyed it a lot, but I also found myself wishing it was closer to the arcade version.

While I did get to play a (really bad) adaptation of the arcade version on the Commodore 64, the arcade game didn't get remade a lot.  So aside from a few quarters I spent in the 80s, I haven't really gotten to play the arcade version until now.  Bionic Commando is now featured in the recently released "Capcom Arcade Stadium".  

This collection is pretty cool, but it only has a few standout games I'd play again today.  The problem is that the best games in the collection were previously released either in the Street Fighter Anniversary Collection or the Capcom Beat 'Em Up Bundle.  So of the three packs that make up Capcom Arcade Stadium, I only purchased the first one, which contains Capcom's earliest offerings.   

I was excited to finally get a chance to play the original Bionic Commando again.  I've always considered it one of my top 10 classic arcade games, and I was excited to finally see what some of the later levels were like.

I was wrong.  It sucks.  For starters, it's impossibly difficult.  It is designed to be a quarter muncher.  There are dangers heading towards you in every direction, and sometimes there's just no way to avoid them.  In fact, the easiest way to get past certain areas is to die, so that when your next life parachutes in from the top of the screen, you land farther up than you were before.  

Secondly, it's short.  If you have unlimited quarters (as you do in this retro collection), you can beat it in 15 minutes.  It only has five levels, and they aren't very long.  I always assumed it was longer, but that's because the difficulty stretched out the play time.

Finally, the controls just aren't as tight as I remembered.  While the NES version did a great job of getting the most out of your bionic arm, the arcade version feels primitive by comparison.  The biggest annoyance is that once you're in the air, you can't use your arm again until you land.  This eliminates the Tarzan-like strategy you used in the later versions, where you could swing repeatedly to get past a long area of dangerous terrain.

So at this point, I would like to apologize to the NES version of Bionic Commando, which was clearly the superior version.  I've spent too many years wondering why they didn't just make a direct arcade conversion, and now I know.  

The arcade version of Bionic Commando started with a wonderful idea.  The bionic arm was truly innovative at the time, and it's a pity they didn't do more with it.  I'm just glad that Capcom's NES team was able to see the potential and turn it into a truly wonderful game.

Mortal Kombat (2021 Film)

I loved the 1995 Mortal Kombat film at the time, but it hasn't aged well.  The 1997 sequel was simply terrible, though it did have a couple of decent fights.  

So how does the new one hold up?  Well, it's a solid movie, with decent fight choreography, much better special effects, and less of the campy tone that plagues the '95 version.  But I don't know, I think the 90's cheese actually helped original movie.  Let's face it, the MK universe is hard to take too seriously.

The 2021 movie can't seem to decide whether it's serious or light-hearted.  If you judge it by the opening scene, it could be a serious martial arts film with a Mortal Kombat skin.  But the more the movie goes on, the sillier it gets, with characters learning how to fire their signature energy blasts and eye lasers.

I'm not fond of the selection of characters.  It has a fairly small cast, and ignores several popular fighters like Johnny Cage and Kitana.  And yet it has room for more obscure fighters like Nitara and Reiko.  Of course they're saving some characters for the sequel - the movie doesn't just imply this, it outright says it.

It's a lot bloodier than the 1995 film, and it isn't shy about killing off characters.  Some of the fatalities and special moves are right out of the games, and they look great.  You will have to turn off your brain, though, as the laws of physics don't apply here.

It's just, I don't know, maybe I'm the one who changed, but... I still remember a lot of lines from the original movie, even though I haven't seen it in years.  I've already forgotten large parts of the new movie, even though I watched it a couple of hours ago.  

It just feels like it's missing something.  Not enough happens; it feels too short and anticlimactic.  I don't want to spoil anything, but it feels like they picked a weird place to end the movie.  It almost feels like the pilot for a TV series instead of a movie.

All in all, it's not a bad "turn your brain off and enjoy the violence" action movie.  It has a lot of Easter eggs for fans of the games, and references a lot of characters who aren't in the movie.  But even non-gamers might find something to enjoy here, if they're into bloody fight scenes.  Just don't expect it to make sense.

Ranking the Aliens/Predator Movies

1. Aliens (1986)
2. Alien (1979)
3. Predators (2010)
4. Predator (1987)
5. Predator 2 (1990)
6. Alien vs. Predator (2004)
7. Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)
8. Alien Resurrection (1997)
9. Prometheus (2012)
10. Alien: Covenant (2017)
11. Alien 3 (1992)

I was waiting to post this until I'd seen all of them.  I just watched Alien: Covenant today.  I still have not seen 2018's "The Predator", but I doubt I ever will, so I just left it off the list.  No big loss, from what I hear, it would be toward the bottom of the list anyway.

Some specifics:

Aliens is still one of my all-time favorite movies.  But I've already gushed about it on several blogs already, so 'nuff said.

Alien still holds up as an excellent horror film.  Smart, suspenseful, and genuinely scary.

Predators is the best Predator movie, even outshining the original.  The action, special effects, pacing - it's just an all around good time.

The original Predator is basically "Alien set in the jungle," and that's okay.  It still does a better job of being an Alien movie than the later Alien movies do.

Predator 2 is kind of forgettable, but I still enjoyed it.

AVP and AVP Requiem are pure fanservice.  They don't even pretend to make sense if you're not a fan of both franchises.  I wouldn't call either one a good movie, but "versus" movies don't have to be.  Nobody went to see Freddy Vs. Jason expecting Shakespeare.

Alien Resurrection is just... okay.  Nothing I'd watch over and over, but it's solid.

Prometheus and Alien: Covenant... Okay, here's the thing.  In 1979, budding director Ridley Scott filmed an excellent sci-fi horror movie.  It was his second film, and it put him well on his way to being one of the big names in movies.  Now, I have a theory - Now that Scott is such a big name serious director, I think he's a little embarrassed that one of his most popular movies is basically a slasher movie.

Like I said above, Alien is a smart movie.  But when you really look at it, it is basically Friday the 13th in space.  There's nothing wrong with that... unless you're a pretentious director who doesn't want to admit he ever did anything lowbrow.  So what if, instead of disowning such a well-known movie, he tried to lend legitimacy to it with a couple of heavy-handed prequels?  

The Alien prequels try to hit you over the head with deeper themes about the origins of life, but the truth is, they're also still slasher films.  Ridley Scott does what he does best - makes movies much slower than they needed to be, and tries to give them meaning.  But I don't need Alien to have deeper meaning, I just want to watch xenomorphs eat people.

The worst part about the prequels is they don't fit the rest of the series.  Alien can either belong in the same universe as its sequels, or it can belong in the same universe as its prequels, but not both.  And the Cameron version of the Alienverse is much cooler than the Scott version.  I hope I live to see the day when someone like James Cameron gets their hands on the franchise again.

Alien 3 is still crap.

GI Joe: Operation Blackout

My two biggest loves as a kid - after Star Wars, of course - were GI Joe and the Transformers.  Unfortunately, neither property had enough video games when I was growing up.  I owned a GI Joe game and a Transformers game on my Commodore 64, both of which sucked even by the standards of the time.  But I still played the hell out of them.

The GI Joe game was especially fun with friends.  It was basically a one-on-one deathmatch between two players (or 1 player vs CPU).  You each picked a character (12 Joes, 8 Cobras), and you would just wander around the screen shooting each other.  After each shot, you had to wait several seconds for your weapon to reload.

The different characters had different walking speeds, weapon speeds, and weapon power.  It was balanced so that the characters with the slowest weapons did the most damage.  There was also a vehicle mode where you picked one of four different Joe vehicles, and just drove/flew around shooting at Cobra vehicles.  

Honestly, it was a bad game.  The load times were excruciating, the gameplay was simplistic, and the only reason my friends and I enjoyed it was because of the toy tie-in.  And yet, I think I'd still rather play it again than the newest GI Joe game, Operation Blackout.

Now, I knew going in that Operation Blackout wasn't very good.  I'd read several negative reviews, and really wasn't expecting much from it.  I'd already played the beautiful but underwhelming "Transformers: Devastation" a few years ago, and was expecting something about on the same level.  The trailers for Operation Blackout at least looked kind of neat, with cel-shaded graphics reminiscent of the 80s cartoon.

Where do I begin.  For starters, somehow the graphics look better in the videos than they do while you're playing.  While Devastation did a great job nailing the look of the Transformers cartoon, Operation Blackout looks like an early attempt at cel shading from the mid 2000s.  

The controls are serviceable, but I have to question some of the gameplay choices.  Like, you have a reload button, which you end up having to use every 10 seconds.  I mean, this isn't Call of Duty, this is G.I.-frikking-Joe here, based on a cartoon where nobody ever ran out of ammo.  I don't need simulationist gameplay in my 80s nostalgia.

The mission objectives are sometimes unclear, the boss fights take forever, and the difficulty is... well, I won't say it's hard, but I will say that the easiest setting still wasn't as easy as one might expect.  Also, I played through one of the blandest vehicle levels I've ever seen in a video game.

But I think the worst part is the overall presentation.  Between levels the story plays out in cut scenes that are supposed to look like a comic book.  Unfortunately, they don't.  Instead, they just look like early storyboard sketches, as if they intended to animate them eventually and and never got around to it.  

And the voice acting is so inconsistent.  I swear the voice actors kept changing their minds on how they wanted to play certain characters.  Destro starts out sounding like a generic Doctor Doom voice, then switches to a Scottish accent, which gradually fades into a more generic foreign accent.  And don't get me started on Storm Shadow, whose voice would probably get them accused of racism if this game were good enough to get noticed at all.  At least Cobra Commander was... okay.

Now, I don't regret my purchase.  For one thing, I waited until the game was on sale.  For another, I used reward points to buy it, so it was practically free.  I knew what I was getting into, and it was worth the money to play it for myself.  I don't mind bad games if they tickle the right nostalgia button, but this game doesn't quite reach it.

Here's a longplay of Operation Blackout (not mine): 

The New Captain America

So, we're three episodes into Falcon & The Winter Soldier.  Audiences hate the new Captain America, John Walker.  So much so that the actor is getting death threats.  The character has been the source of all kinds of memes, complaining about how much they hate this guy taking the shield.

Look - it already takes a special kind of crazy to go after an actor for playing a character you don't like.  But complaining about this guy being the new Captain America... can you just wait until all the episodes are out, please?

John Walker getting the shield sets up some of the conflict in the series.  But it seems pretty obvious that he won't be Captain America at the end of the series.  Maybe Walker will become a bad guy, maybe he'll get killed, maybe he'll give up the shield to be USAgent.  Maybe Falcon will end up with the shield, maybe Bucky, heck, maybe even Sharon Carter.  

My point is, wait until all the data is out before whining.  I seriously doubt the MCU intends Walker to be the new Captain America going forward.  If I'm wrong, fine, but at least wait until the end of the series to complain.