Bloodhunters

So, I wrote a book. You can buy it here if you wanna:

Bloodhunters v1: Bad Blood

You can also follow my Bloodhunters blog here:

Bloodhunters Blog

Thor: Love and Thunder

Eh, I thought it was ok. 

I kept thinking it reminded me of the Burton/Shumacher Batman movies. In both cases, the third movie in the series changed the tone drastically. In both "Thor: Ragnarok" and "Batman Forever", this lighter/flashier tone worked pretty well. So for the fourth movie in each series, they leaned too far into the new tone.

I loved Ragnarok. It's one of my top five favorite MCU movies. I loved how nuts it was, and the humor was great. But Love & Thunder leans into the stupid just a little too much.

Highlights: Great visuals. Sweet soundtrack. Fun action scenes. Jane Foster's Thor is pretty cool, and I love the new moves she does with the hammer. The villain was so perfect, so well-acted, so creepy, that frankly, he was too good for this movie.

Lowlights: A lot of the humor falls flat. The plot isn't very cohesive. The editing feels off.

Bottom line: It's just... ok. I had fun, but I wish it had been better. I'll give it another shot when it comes to Disney+. 

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

In general, I liked it. It’s probably not one of my top 10 MCU films, but that’s only because there’s so many excellent MCU films now. (Which reminds me, I need to update my ranking list one of these days.) This one is just a little too uneven and weird to make it that far up the list. But it is fun.

It’s jarring to me that this is only the second Doctor Strange film. Between Ragnarok, Infinity War, Endgame, and No Way Home (not to mention the What If? TV series), it feels like he’s had so much MCU screen time that we should be on Doctor Strange 3 by now.

 

Spoilers from here on out.

 

I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it still wasn’t what I expected. I thought this was going to be about wrapping up the side effects from Spider-Man: No Way Home, with the Illuminati punishing Doctor Strange for interdimensional tampering. Kind of like the plot of the Loki series. But no, apparently there were no repercussions from the last movie, and it’s just a coincidence that Strange’s next adventure also involves the multiverse. If the mid-credits scene is anything to go by, it actually sounds like the next movie will be closer to what I expected this movie to be.

 

I also thought there would be a lot more world-hopping. In fact, I was even dreading it a little. I’ve mentioned it before, but the Arrowverse’s version of “Crisis on Infinite Earths” was a major letdown. Great fanservice, but incoherent and not enough substance. I was afraid Multiverse of Madness would do something similar, with so many references-for-the-sake-of-references that they wouldn’t be able to cram in a cohesive plot. Thankfully my fears were groundless, though I was a little disappointed that most of the movie was spent on the same three worlds.

 

The tone was darker than most MCU films, and many are calling it the MCU’s first horror movie. I don’t know if I would go that far. Director Sam Raimi definitely showed off his “Evil Dead” style, but then, I’m not sure if I consider Evil Dead a horror movie. Is it really horror if you spend more time laughing than jumping at shadows? But I will go this far, Multiverse of Madness may be the first MCU film I’d think twice about showing to a child.

 

I feel really bad for Wanda. The writers have her locked into a specific type of plot. I believe she’s a good person at heart, but she’s a magnet for tragedy and bad influences. Ultron, Agatha Harkness, and the Darkhold all take advantage of Wanda’s emotional scars, constantly turning Wanda into the Dark Phoenix of the MCU. She’s becoming the poster child for the “Heel-Face Revolving Door” trope, and I would love it if the writers would break that cycle. I realize her current form is too powerful to be a hero, her stories would be boring. But I’m just tired of the repetitive “Wanda does a bad thing, then says sorry at the end” plots. Either make her a full-on-villain or depowered good guy, I don’t really care witch. I mean, which.

 

I liked the Illuminati a lot, my only real complaint with them is that the trailers didn’t leave enough surprises. I kept hoping they were holding something back, like a RDJ cameo as an alternate version of Tony Stark. Sure, there were a couple of unexpected characters, but none of them were as good as the ones spoiled in the trailers.

 

But yeah, the star of the show was Sam Raimi’s directing style, the Evil Dead references, and just how over-the-top bonkers the movie was. Critics often complain that all MCU movies are basically the same movie. They can’t say that about this one. They took a big chance and it paid off. I hope they keep taking chances. They’ll produce a bomb now and then, but the winners will stand out so much more.

 

Injustice (2021 Animated Movie)

I loved the Injustice video games and the comics. The problem was, you needed to read/play both to get the full story. After the opening scene, the game jumps forward five years to a time when Superman is already in power. The comic fills in those missing years.

A quick summary for those not in the know: The Joker gives Superman a Very Bad Day. Superman is so traumatized that he loses his grip on morality and adopts a heavier stance on crime. The more people resist him, the more he doubles down. His views escalate until he is a full blown dictator.

The comics start out great, but some of the later years start to drag. The first year is especially quotable, with some of the best lines in the history of comics. The video game is a fun, solid fighting game with a well done story mode. The graphics are a bit dated at this point, but it often goes on sale for under $5. So if you haven’t played it, seriously, pick it up sometime.

With five years of comics and several hours of gameplay, it was hard to condense this story into a single animated movie, but I think they did a good job. The movie mostly draws from the comics, particularly the first year. In fact, I’d say that the first half of the movie is pulled straight from Year One. After that, it draws bits and pieces from the later years, smatters in a bit of the plot from the game, and throws in some original ideas as well. In other words, the climax is a little messy.

Now, here’s where I disagree with other reviewers. They complained that the movie wasn’t faithful enough to the source material. Actually, the first half is almost too faithful to Year One. Okay, there’s a few big changes. For example, one prominent hero is killed early on, probably just to avoid some plot holes. But I was quoting the comic as I watched the movie. My wife watched my lips moving. For the first half, I almost always knew what was about to happen. That’s pretty faithful.

The second half? Well, they did what they had to in order to tie things up. They could have made it an animated series instead of a movie, but I don’t think that was ever in the cards. Appreciate the movie for what it is, not what you feel is missing. I’m sorry your favorite scenes were cut, but suck it up and move on.

But on the flip side: Reviewers also praised the voice acting, and that’s the part I felt was a little weak. Okay, there was nothing wrong with who they cast for which voice. But again, I like the comics because they were so quotable. And when it came to the most memorable lines, the actors just didn’t quite deliver them the way I’d envisioned. They’re fine voice actors, but their comic timing was off, or they didn’t put the emphasis on the right words, or something. I know, follow my own advice and suck it up. But it irks me that they were so close to perfection.

They removed some plot elements that were only there to justify game mechanics. In the game, it was silly that Superman could go toe-to-toe with characters like Green Arrow without knocking their heads off in one blow. They explained this by inventing pills you could swallow that gave everyone the strength and durability of Superman. The movie thankfully removes this plot point. Seriously, the whole reason evil Superman is so scary is because he’s so powerful. Make everyone else just as tough, and the concept loses its teeth.

Also, the game involved characters from two universes, to explain why characters are able to fight each other. The movie does touch on the parallel universes idea, but not as heavily as the game. I won’t say more to avoid spoilers. But what it does with the idea, it does well, at least in my opinion.

Now, I know “Superman turns evil” stories have been done to death at this point. DC itself has put out stories like “Red Son” and “Crisis on Two Earths”, but the concept has inspired a lot of non-DC works as well, such as Invincible and Brightburn. But even though the idea is tired, Injustice is one of the best uses of the concept. And the Injustice animated movie is probably the most accessible way to see the story. It’s not perfect, but it’s definitely is worth a watch, especially if you haven’t read the comics or played the game.

Injustice is currently streaming on HBO Max.

Ranking the Batman Films

Okay, this is hard, because so many of them are apples and oranges. So instead of going by quality, I’m mostly going by which ones I would actually take the time to sit down and watch today.

1. Batman Returns (1992)

This might be a hot take, but bite me. Batman Returns is the movie that really made me appreciate Tim Burton’s gothic style. It has my favorite Batman soundtrack, and my favorite theatrical Catwoman. I’m not fond of this version of the Penguin, but you can’t have everything.

2. Batman (1989)

I have a soft spot for this movie. It came out at exactly the right time in my life, it was a cultural phenomenon, and it was hugely influential to future super hero movies.

3. The Dark Knight (2008)

This is probably the most legitimate super hero movie ever made. I can’t put it higher because it’s so heavy. I mean, I can’t just pop it into the Blu-Ray player for fun. It’s too… good.

4. The Batman (2022)

Thoroughly enjoyable, and sets a new standard for Batman movies.

5. Batman Forever (1995)

While this was the beginning of the end for the 90s series, it struck a great balance between flashy and dark. It’s too bad the follow-up movie dropped the dark altogether.

6. Batman Begins (2005)

I feel like this deserves to be higher, but it’s just not as fun as it was when it first came out. Impressive movie, but it became boring after a few rewatches.

7. The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

A good, solid movie, but the weakest of the Nolan trilogy.

8. Batman: The Movie (1966)

Pure, campy fun.

9. Batman & Robin (1997)

Dirty rotten franchise killer! Still, fun to watch if you’re in the right mood.

10. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

The Batman (2022)

Good movie. One of the better versions of Batman I’ve seen. There’s not a lot I can say about it, because it’s exactly what you think it is. Guy dresses as a bat, fights crime, solves a mystery, has a love/hate relationship with the cops, etc etc etc.

After the Schumacher series became too over-the-top, people praised the Nolan reboot for being more down-to-earth. While The Batman has a few moments that are hard to swallow, overall it feels even more real than the Nolan trilogy. Is this how things would actually play out if Batman existed? No, it’s still fantasy. But instead of comic book fantasy, it feels more like hard-boiled detective novel fantasy, or mafia crime film fantasy. But it’s still more believable than the previous films.

Some reviewers complained that the movie doesn’t break any new ground, that it’s too “by the numbers”. While they’re not wrong, I still disagree. There really isn’t a better “baseline” Batman movie. The 1989 film is too comic booky by today’s standards (though it was groundbreaking at the time), and Batman Begins (while excellent) is too focused on Batman’s origin story. I think The Batman is the generic Batman movie we always needed, the one that sets the tone for the modern Batman universe, one that other movies can build off of.

Also, some people complained that the movie was too dark. Not in violence (though it is more violent than previous Batman movies), but in brightness. This is true, but for once that darkness is actually done well. Every single frame is lit the way the director intended. If you only see a character’s face when there’s a muzzle flash, it’s because the director only wanted you to see their face when there was a muzzle flash. It’s artistic darkness.

Compare this to Disney+ shows like The Mandalorian and Moon Knight, where the night/underground scenes are just plain DARK, with no hope of the viewer having any idea what’s going on. The Batman does darkness right, using it to guide your attention rather than just hide the action.

Spoilers going forward.

I liked this version of Selina Kyle, but the romance felt a bit forced. It wasn’t bad, I just think I could have written better, and I suck at romance.

I thought the Riddler was great. For once he didn’t come off as campy. It felt like a Saw movie with Batman in it. This version of the Riddler had an actual reason to send Batman riddles, instead of just being crazy. And the riddles themselves were deeper, rather than feeling like they came from a 1960s joke book.

This was a great version of Batman, but I’m not sold on this Bruce Wayne. I get what they were going for, but he looked too much like “emo” Peter Parker from Spider-Man 3. Arguably Bruce Wayne doesn’t even appear in the movie, because he kept the Batman persona regardless of whether the costume was on. No “clueless womanizing socialite” disguise here, just the brooding recluse focused on his personal mission.

Bottom line: Overall, it’s a worthwhile reboot. They recently announced that a sequel is in the works, and I definitely will see it.

Retro Cheese Round-Up

The past couple of weeks I’ve been in the mood for cheese, and so I’ve been watching (or rewatching) bad 80s movies to see if they’re still bad. Spoiler alert: They are.

Heartbeeps (1981)

I actually saw this movie in the theater. I loved it at the time, but I was 8, and I loved anything with a robot in it. I do remember my parents said the movie was stupid. This week’s viewing was my first time seeing it since 1981, and… wow, what a pointless movie. Seriously, I probably could have written a better script myself, when I was 8. The whole thing feels like an excuse to show off the makeup effects, which admittedly weren’t bad for the time.

A trio of defective robots escapes from a warehouse. Well, I say “escape”, but they don’t really know they’re on the run. One of them mistakenly thinks it’s programmed to gather data about nature, and the other two have nothing better to do. Along the way they build a baby robot that’s supposed to be cute, except this was four years after Star Wars and we’d already seen cuter robots. In order for there to be some conflict, a crimefighting murderbot also malfunctions and escapes to hunt them down. Convenient!

Anyway, the script feels more like an outline than a finished story. It feels like it has placeholder lines and jokes, just waiting for the actual writers to come in and finish the job. If this movie were software, I’d think that this was the alpha build, and it was released early to hit the shelves before Christmas. Nothing specific is missing from the story - it has a definite beginning, middle, and end, it’s just that every single aspect feels unfinished.

It’s also a waste of a great cast. Don’t waste your time on this one, it’s not even worth watching to make fun of. Rewatch Short Circuit (1986) instead. Parts of it haven’t aged well (like Fisher Stevens in brownface), but overall it has a lot more charm.

Ice Pirates (1984)

This is one of those I only half remembered from when I was a kid. Did I even actually even see it, or am I just remembering the trailers? But some of the bits I remembered were too long for a trailer. All I can say is that when I rewatched it, I only got déjà vu in the first half. I’m thinking maybe I fell asleep halfway through, or my parents made me leave the theater.

Anyway, Ice Pirates makes Flash Gordon look like 2001: A Space Odyssey. The script is full of vaguely dirty jokes that don’t really land, and none of the characters really made much of an impact. Some jokes are worth a chuckle, but the funniest bits feel like they were stolen from other movies.

It’s one of those movies that feels like things just sort of happen because they happen. The heroes (if you want to call them that) just sort of “right place at the right time” their way through the plot, then there’s a gimmicky climax, and a sort of abrupt ending. The tone and special effects remind me of Barbarella (1968), which came out 16 years earlier and somehow aged better.

Anyway, even if you have fond memories of seeing this as a child, it’s probably not as good as you remember.

Krull (1983)

I did not see Krull as a kid. I wanted to, but I missed it. I played the arcade game, and I really liked that cool “glaive” weapon. Of the three movies in this blog, Krull is undoubtedly the best, but that’s not saying a whole lot, is it? It’s hard to explain why, but to me, Krull feels like it would have actually been better with a smaller budget. Not that the special effects are good, they’re pretty bad. It came out the same year as Return of the Jedi, but somehow Krull looks ten years older.

Wild tangent – comparing all these movies to the Star Wars films that came out around the same time, just makes me realize how much love certain filmmakers put into their movies. Krull had a budget of $27-30 million, and Return of the Jedi had a budget of $32-47 million. Not a huge difference in budget, but the special effects are as different as night and day. I feel the same way about Jurassic Park and Terminator 2 – they’re all films that look ten years newer than they were, when you compare them to other movies that came out the same year. Sure, they had bigger budgets, but a lot of it’s about the amount of elbow grease they put into polishing it.

Anyway, Krull feels like if Hawk the Slayer had a bigger budget. But since that bigger budget was spent on crappy visuals instead of any real polish, the movie suffers greatly.

It’s a bad movie, but this is not a bad review. The movie is actually kind of fun, despite its shortcomings. I like the concept, pitting swords-and-sorcery heroes against a sci-fi villain. It’s almost like a proto-version of Cowboys & Aliens. It might even be a good candidate for a remake. But it’s definitely something you watch to laugh at. If I were in that kind of mood, I’d probably rewatch The Beastmaster instead.

The Book of Boba Fett

As I write this, six episodes of “The Book of Boba Fett” have aired, and next week will be the season finale. Overall, I’m enjoying the series. It started out a little slow, but it keeps getting better. I’m anxiously awaiting the upcoming episode, to see how they resolve all this.

Uh, oh, it’s going to be another one of those “unexpected reinforcements” climaxes, isn’t it? Like the end of “The Rise of Skywalker”, or like we saw thirty times in the Lord of the Rings movies. Here’s what I’m picturing:

The Pykes show up at Boba’s doorstep (formerly Jabba’s Palace). It’s a small group of Pykes, with Cad Bane in the front. Boba comes out, surrounded by his allies and guards. Cad tells Boba to step down and there won’t be any further trouble. Boba refuses, and tells Cad that if the Pykes want Boba out of the way, they’ll have to fight for it. Cad snaps his fingers, and more Pykes come out of hiding and join the group. The Pykes now outnumber Boba’s group by ten-to-one.

Fighting ensues. Things look bad for Boba at first, but then the Freetown townsfolk appear over the horizon, a makeshift army of moisture farmers and retirees. But it’s not enough. Then a tribe of Sand People come running over a nearby dune - new allies Boba befriended off screen after his own tribe was massacred. But more Pykes join the fight. Then a bunch of Wookies appear, called in by Krrsantan. Also a hundred more street punks driving brightly colored speeder bikes. Finally, Amy Sedaris comes over the ridge, leading an army of Jawa ex-boyfriends.

The Pykes keep taking losses until they start to flee. It eventually comes down to a fist fight between Boba and Cad in the throne room. Just as Cad gains the upper hand, Boba manages to hit the trap door button. Both fall into the pit, but the Rancor has imprinted on Boba, so only Cad is in danger. Boba spares his life in exchange for his total surrender.

I’m mostly kidding, but I can’t wait to see if any of the above is true. (Edit: Well, I was close on a couple of details, anyway.)

Boba Fett was my favorite Star Wars character as a kid. At the time, we only had the original trilogy, and this was even before the Special Editions. Which means Boba only had about two minutes of screen time, during which he mostly stood around nodding at people, before having a clumsy death.

But he had the coolest costume, and that made him memorable. Sometimes less is more, and Boba’s lack of screen time meant we could fill in the details with the coolest adventures imaginable. His action figure got more use than any other toy in my collection, and I drew many comic books starring Boba Fett.

So, is the new show any good? Well, I like it, but I can see why some other people don’t. Fett’s noble demeanor – he wants to be a crime boss who uses honor instead of fear – is at odds with roughly half the fan fiction out there. If you read some of the older Expanded Universe novels and comics, you’ll even find official authors conflicting with each other.

One novel might portray him as an honorable hunter who abides by a strict moral code, while another makes him out to be a cold-bloodied killer who turns on his allies to make a quick buck. So the fans of the “cold and heartless” Fett are probably disappointed that they went with the honorable version.

It doesn’t help that the best BoBF moments are the ones that involve The Mandalorian. Causing some to ask: Is Din Djarin cooler than Boba Fett?

The problem with that question is that we haven’t seen enough of Boba on the big screen. His scenes in the original trilogy were basically cameos. Then we got to see him as a kid in the Prequels. And now we’re seeing Boba’s retirement plan. I have every reason to believe that when Boba was in his 20s, he was just as much of a badass as Djarin. It’s just that those adventures were relegated to comic books and novels, most of which are no longer canon.

Din Djarin, at this point in his life, basically is young Boba Fett. He’s having the adventures we always wanted to see from Fett, but were never filmed. And when Djarin reaches Boba’s age, he’ll probably start thinking about a retirement plan of his own. And then he’ll be boring. So no, Djarin isn’t cooler than Boba. He’s just at a cooler time of his life.

But you know what’s really cool? Peripheral vision. Being able to get a haircut or eat in public. Scratching your nose when it itches. Kissing. The ability to convey emotions through facial expressions. Sneezing without getting snot all over your visor. Having people actually recognize you, without them having to wonder if someone else is wearing your clothes (anybody remember Jodo Kast?). Just, in general, being allowed to take your helmet off when you want to, without violating some ridiculous cultural pseudo-religious taboo.

You know what’s not cool? Helmet sweat. It’s damp and rank and it gets everywhere. Hate on Boba Fett all you want, but at least his helmet doesn’t smell like armpits. “If I ever remove my helmet, I won’t be able to put it back on.” Yeah, that’s because you’ll smell fresh air for the first time in 20 years, Din. I wouldn’t be able to put my helmet back on either. But I digress.

Another complaint I’ve seen is that some of the elements don’t seem to fit in the Star Wars universe. The most glaring example being those brightly-colored speeder bikes in the third episode. Apparently they were designed as an homage to “American Graffiti” by George Lucas. Personally they don’t bother me.

I’ve probably said this before, but the problem with Star Wars is that we haven’t actually seen enough of the casual part of the universe. Most of what we’ve seen has been during wartime, from the perspective of the soldiers fighting in those wars. When we do see someone’s day-to-day life, it’s either the criminal underworld, or royalty, or a geriatric Muppet living in exile. Rarely do we see the normal life of a civilian. 

Except on Tatooine. We know far too much about Tatooine. It’s supposed to be a remote planet most people have never heard of, but it’s the site of half of everything that’s ever happened in Star Wars. Between Tatooine and Jakku, the desert feels like the default Star Wars location. When people picture a Star Wars casual outfit, they picture desert gear.

Picture this: It’s 1000 years from now. We’ve colonized every habitable planet in our solar system. Earth is the birth of our civilization, and most of our system is governed by the colonies on Mars. And yet, for some reason, 50% of our fiction takes place on Pluto. WHY? I wish the Death Star had blown up Tatooine instead.

Why is this such a problem for me? Because of everything we don’t know. We don’t know what Star Wars grocery stores look like. Or what sort of TV shows people watch. Or what sports they play. I mean, sure, we know a lot about the desert planets, but what’s everyday life like on Coruscant? Or Naboo? Planets where the biome itself isn’t such a huge factor in your everyday life. Why should I care who wins these "Star Wars" when I rarely see the lifestyles they're trying to protect?

The reason this bothers me is that it means whenever they do try to introduce new casual elements… the new elements don’t look “Star Wars” enough. This isn’t a new problem. When Episode I came out, some people complained that the ship designs were too sleek and modern looking. When Episode II came out, I heard a few complaints about some of the scenes on Coruscant (like the diner) seeming out-of-place in the Star Wars universe.

So those complaints about the speeder bikes make no sense to me. Just look at the world around you. If people have the technology to build a thing, someone will eventually build it. Look how different cars look now than they looked in the 1950. Look all the different fashions, and the shapes of houses. Styles change all the time in real life. But apparently people want Star Wars to remain stagnant, using only variations of what we’ve seen already. That, to me, is unrealistic.

And this is why I want more official Star Wars content. I would like Disney to hire George Lucas as a consultant (and nothing more), and I want them to make some TV shows that flesh out the more casual side of the Star Wars universe. Not everything has to be an action/western just because it’s Star Wars. Give me a sitcom set on Bespin or a legal drama set on Coruscant. Even if a show turns out really bad, it will normalize some of the elements we haven’t seen. Adding to the Star Wars lore will give future writers more to work with.

As usual, I’ve really gotten off track here. My point is, Book of Boba Fett is a decent show. If nothing else, I’m glad we finally have a canon, on-screen depiction of Fett escaping the Sarlacc pit. But the show is not for everyone. Like most things Star Wars, I’m just tired of people hating it for the wrong reasons.