Wednesday, April 22, 2020

Ranking the Star Trek Films

I saw some people were ranking the Star Trek films, so I thought I'd join in the fun.  I have a hard time ranking anything that's covers such a long span of time, because I have to weigh sentimentality versus rewatchability.  Plus some of the movies are wildly different genres, so it's like comparing apples and oranges.  But this is as close as I can get:

1) Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
2) Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home
3) Star Trek: First Contact
4) Galaxy Quest
5) Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
6) Star Trek (2009)
7) Star Trek: Generations
8) Star Trek Into Darkness
9) Star Trek III: The Search for Spock
10) Star Trek V: The Final Frontier
11) Star Trek: The Motion Picture
12) Star Trek Beyond
13) Star Trek: Nemesis
14) Star Trek: Insurrection

So, some specifics:

1) Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan - This one gets the gold because it ranks high on both sentimentality and rewatchability.  It has good pacing, it's quotable, and it stands the test of time.  Khan is still one of the best villains of any franchise.

2) Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home - Star Trek struggles on the big screen, because the TV's tone and pace don't always translate into blockbuster films.  Some Star Trek films add more action, some add higher stakes drama, but Star Trek IV leaned heavy into comedy.  And somehow, it worked.

3) Star Trek: First Contact - This one might be personal bias.  I was a latecomer to Star Trek, so Next Generation is my favorite series.  This is the best of the NextGen films, and features the best of NextGen's villains, the Borg. 

4) Galaxy Quest - Yeah, the fourth best Star Trek film isn't a Star Trek film, bite me.  But it does a stellar job as both a parody and an homage, making fun of Trek and its fans without being cruel.

5) Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country - Just a good, solid movie.  This one is special to me because it's the first Star Trek film I saw in the theater after becoming a Trekkie.  (I had seen first two movies in the theater as a kid, but I didn't like Star Trek then.)

6) Star Trek (2009) - A few years ago I saw Marina Sirtis and Michael Dorn at a comic convention.  Somebody asked them how they felt about the reboot movies.  They weren't fans.  They said that the TV shows usually have some sort of message, but that the movies were just flashy action with no message.  I agree, but I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing.  The 2009 reboot is sleek and shiny, and not nearly as deep as the TV shows, but it does its job well.  It shows us that Star Trek movies can be summer blockbusters with broader appeal, as long as they abandon what Star Trek was all about in the first place.  I think there's a place in this world for both styles of Star Trek.

7) Star Trek: Generations - This one's just fanservice, but that's okay.  Star Trek fans are often the type of people who enjoy fanservice the most.  I'm pulling this statistic out of my ass, but there was a time when 90% of Star Trek fanfiction involved crossovers with other TV shows.  (I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I had a Star Trek / X-Men comic book.)  So having the generations meet was a no-brainer.  It's not a great movie, but it was a fun way to pass the theatrical torch.

8) Star Trek Into Darkness - A lot of people don't like this one, due to the clumsy handling of its fanservice.  They're not wrong.  It wasn't the best way to reintroduce Khan.  But if you get past that (and some other minor nitpicks), it's a fun movie.  Cumberbatch is a terrific villain no matter what you call him, and overall it's a decent film as long as you don't think about how it relates to the rest of the Star Trek franchise.

9) Star Trek III: The Search for Spock - First off, let me just say that there isn't a single Star Trek film I hate.  But around here is where my list goes from "fun to watch on a Friday night with a big tub of popcorn" to "I would leave it on as background noise while I play Sims 4 on my laptop."  Search for Spock is a utilitarian movie.  It does a serviceable job of tying up the loose ends from Star Trek II, but it doesn't do much else for me.  I do like Christopher Lloyd as a Klingon, though.

10) Star Trek V: The Final Frontier - I have to say, "What would God need with a starship?" is one of my favorite lines in a Star Trek movie.  Beyond that, there's just not much here to write home about.

11) Star Trek: The Motion Picture - I vaguely remember seeing this in the theater (I was six) and being bored.  I watched it again when I was seventeen, and it was still pretty boring, but I can imagine how cool it might have been to a Star Trek fan.  People who loved the original series, and were then starved for ten years, only to see it return on the big screen with more expensive special effects - it had to be an experience.  I like the twist - that V'ger is Voyager - but beyond that it's a slog.

12) Star Trek Beyond - I saw it once in the theater and forgot about it.  I remember some of the imagery, but I actually had to go to Wikipedia to be reminded of the plot.  And wow, it turns out I remember even less than I thought.  I do remember having fun, but it obviously isn't the most memorable movie.

13) Star Trek: Nemesis - Honestly I barely remember this movie at all.  I didn't hate it, but there just wasn't much to love.  I remember reading at the time that it was written by a Star Trek fan, who was trying to give Picard an arch enemy as compelling as Khan.  If they were going to emulate Khan, they should have used an enemy from the NextGen series, someone who has an established reason to hate Picard.  For example, Gul Madred from "Chain of Command". 

14) Star Trek: Insurrection - And finally, we have the reason you shouldn't use TV plots for movie scripts.  Insurrection is a perfectly fine story.  It feels like a dozen other episodes of the NextGen TV series.  But that's all.  I came out of it feeling like I'd just spent $20 to see something I could have seen on TV.  If it had actually been shown as an episode of the series, it would have been a decent episode.  But there was just nothing theatrical about it, nothing that warranted a big screen budget or leaving the house.  But it also proves that even the worst Star Trek movie is still a pretty good time.

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