Gotta Go Fast

I woke up this morning to a scene of unimaginable horror, a monstrous mess so unfathomably nauseating that I questioned my own sanity.  I am, of course, referring to the Sonic the Hedgehog trailer.

 Admittedly, as a Nintendo fanboy, I was never into Sonic.  Still, I really tried to like the Sonic games.  The graphics were beautiful at the time, but the gameplay just didn’t do it for me.  It was just Mario with more difficult controls.  The parts where you go really fast were cool to look at, but you’re not really controlling your character while he goes through all the loops and stuff, so it was just as fun watching someone else play it.  The whole concept was just flawed.  Human reflexes just aren’t fast enough to control the character at the speeds Sega wanted to show off, so they had to put safe areas of track in each level so you could basically hold right and watch your avatar move really fast.  Cute gimmick, but it just didn’t mesh well with the “jumping platformer” genre.  But that is just me; if you enjoyed them, I’m happy for you.

 So I’m not this movie’s target audience.  But true Sonic fans are also put off by Sonic’s bizarre character design.  Maybe it will be funny and well-written, and maybe the action and special effects will be dazzling enough to keep audiences awake.  Personally I doubt it.  So far it looks like it’s relying on Jim Carrey to save it, and I’m not sure he’s still funny enough to keep the movie afloat.  I feel bad for James Marsden.  He’s not a great actor, but he’s better than the roles he’s been getting.

 The plot also triggers another one of my personal prejudices.  I’m not a fan of the whole “human befriends exotic creature” genre.  Examples include E.T., Gremlins, Garbage Pail Kids, Detective Pikachu, Howard the Duck, Mac & Me, ALF, Pod People, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  Obviously some of those movies are better than others, and I love some of them despite the plot.  But the genre as a whole just feels lazy.  Sometime I bet it starts with a special effect – a prop maker creates a really good creature puppet, and some director thinks it would look good in a movie.  But they can’t afford to make a bunch more puppets and sets, so the movie can’t take place on the creature’s home planet.  So they decide it will be a “fish out of water” story where the creature finds itself on Earth.  It befriends a human (usually a child, but not always), and the human either has to hide it from everyone else (so scientists won’t dissect it), or the human tries to convince other people the creature is real (but the creature keeps hiding or can only be seen/heard by that one human).  It usually ends with the creature going back home.

 Sometimes these movies bother me because I wanted to see the character’s own universe.  For example, the live action “Masters of the Universe” movie had the characters coming to Earth and befriending some teens here.  I would have preferred they stayed on Eternia and used more established characters rather than making up new ones.  There’s a ton of story potential on Eternia, but I guess it was too expensive to film there.  So instead, we were stuck with a movie about He-Man cosplayers running around on Earth.  Meh.

 The Sonic universe is not lacking in content.  The comics and cartoons are full of characters and plot hooks.  Okay, I haven’t actually read the comics, but I’ve heard good things about them.  So why not pull source material from there?  I doubt the budget was the issue.  How this plot and this character design made it this far is amazing to me.  It’s like they used the Super Mario Bros movie as a benchmark.  “Oh, that’s how good video game movies are supposed to be?  Great, I can top that!”

 Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit.  Maybe it won’t be that bad.  But yeesh, it sure doesn’t look good.

Update:
And now the director has responded, and says they will redesign the character before releasing the movie.  I’m still amazed that the first version got so far without anyone in the studio realizing how gross it was.  But I’m impressed that the director had the courage to admit they made a mistake and make it right.  I bet the final design still gets some hate though; you just can’t please everyone.

Avengers: Endgame (MAJOR SPOILERS)

Warning, spoilers aplenty!  Okay, so my spoiler-free review didn't have a lot of depth, but that's because it's impossible to talk about this movie at all without spoilers.  So I am writing this with the assumption that you have seen the movie.

I was in a total daze by the time I got out of Endgame.  I mean, wow, there's so much to unpack here.  Let's divide it up a bit.  I really see this as three movies in one:

Avengers: Aftermath
The first third of Endgame was slow and depressing.  I'm not complaining, because every scene was necessary and it showed just how important it was for the heroes to succeed.  But it wasn't exactly what I would call enjoyable.  It nearly brought me to tears a couple of times.  I might skip it on some future viewings.

Avengers: Time Heist
The second act was easily the most fun, and had the most fanservice.  I really enjoyed watching them replay scenes from previous movies from different angles, a la Back to the Future II, but the rules of time travel in this movie are completely bonkers.  I've already seen several articles and YouTube videos try to explain it, but the fact is that the way they approach time travel simply doesn't make sense when you examine it too closely. 

I was going to list specific examples of the parts that bothered me, but I don't want to deal with people "correcting" me and trying to explain their own interpretation of time travel.  Besides, you know what?  I don't care.  It happened the way it happened.  Just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Avengers: Endgame
The climax of Endgame was spectacular.  Easily the best massive battle in the series.  Once again I was nearly in tears when all the reinforcements started showing up.  I loved the "Oh crap" look Thanos had when all the armies started arriving.

I thought the female empowerment shot was awesome, but maybe a little pandering.  My wife said it seemed like a male writer's idea of what would please their female fanbase, and I agree.  But it was a nice middle finger to all the sexist fanboys who whined about Captain Marvel.

As much as I like Captain Machina, er, Captain Marvel, I am worried that they're already overusing her as a "last ditch sudden win" device.  She's too powerful to hang out with this crowd, so it's good that she mostly stays in space.  The plot device works in this movie, but I hope this is the last time she swoops down and saves the day out of nowhere.  She also came across as full of herself, which makes it harder to like her.

The end of the movie was perfect.  The right people died (okay, I'm still upset about Black Widow, but the movie needed a sacrifice that would actually hurt the audience), and it didn't leave a lot of loose threads.  There were several references to the first Iron Man movie, making it and Endgame perfect bookends for the series.

Overall, I thought it was a great movie, but not quite as cohesive as Infinity War.  There were a lot of elements that reminded me of Age of Ultron.  AoU spent a lot of time setting up plot threads for future movies, so that those future movies wouldn't have to devote as much screen time to them.  Endgame spends a lot of time closing threads and cleaning up loose ends.  Endgame is a much better movie than AoU, but the resemblance is still there.

Back in mid-January, I posted a blog with my hopes for Endgame.  So, how well did it live up to my hopes?  Well, let's see:

"I hope Tony sacrifices himself to save Steve; it would be a perfect apology for Civil War." - Well, kind of.  Tony doesn't specifically sacrifice himself to save Steve, but he does sacrifice himself to save the universe, which includes Steve.  Either way, he earned Steve's forgiveness.

"I hope (as some have speculated) that Steve is sent back in time, and lives out his days with Peggy Carter.  It would be the kindest possible way to retire the character." - Boom!  I was very pleased with this part of the ending.  It leaves me with a lot of questions about what Steve did all those years - did he stay hidden, or is there an alternate timeline where he was a superhero back then?  But those questions don't really need to be answered, I'm just glad he got a happy ending.

"I hope time travel isn’t overused in saving the day.  The last thing I want is a “Ta-da!  The first movie never happened!” victory." - Well... At least Infinity War still happened.  They didn't just go back in time and re-fight the battle of Wakanda.  But time travel was a huge component of the second act, and I wasn't quite satisfied with how the writers decided time travel works.  But it was fun enough that I can overlook it.

"I hope we get another Thor movie.  I know four movies is a lot for one character, but Ragnarok felt like such a reboot in both content and tone, that I really want to see another Thor done in that style." - Actually, now it looks like Thor could be in the next Guardians of the Galaxy movie, and that's a pretty good substitute.

"I hope they don’t gloss over the Asgardian refugees this time.  Other than Thor’s line about how Thanos “killed half my crew”, Infinity War was maddeningly silent on the fates of Korg, Valkyrie, and the other survivors.  If they don’t mention it in Endgame and don’t make another Thor movie, then the question will bug me forever.  You know (lots of “ifs” coming), if Drax dies in Endgame (since Dave Bautista is angry about the firing of James Gunn), and if Gamora doesn’t come back to life, and if there isn’t going to be another Thor movie, then Valkyrie and Korg could make decent members of the Guardians." - Huzzah!  We now know that the surviving Asgardians are doing fine, including Valkyrie and Korg.  Also, James Gunn has been rehired, so we aren't losing Drax.

"I hope that future movies feel more self-contained.  I’m afraid that the minute Endgame is over, they’ll jump right into the build-up for the next major crossover event." - That remains to be seen, but this one didn't look like it was specifically setting anything else up, except maybe the next Guardians of the Galaxy movie.  It ended exactly like it should have, with hardly any loose ends.  Even if they never released another MCU movie, it would be a perfect 22-movie story.

"I hope General Ross gets fired, and has his career so totally ruined that he spends the rest of his life collecting discarded soda bottles to buy Ramen noodles." - This isn't touched on, and who knows if the accords from Civil War are still active.  But most of the people affected by them have moved on in one way or another.  Cap's old, Ant-Man and Hawkeye have served their time, Widow's gone.  That leaves Bucky, Scarlet Witch, and Falcon.  Will Sam be accepted as the new Captain America?  Will Scarlet Witch stay on the run?  Will Bucky have to remain in Wakanda?  These are very small questions that can be fixed by a single line of dialogue later.  But I still want to see a future movie that is nothing but two hours of General Ross getting kicked repeatedly in the balls.  Make it happen, Marvel!

Bottom line: Endgame is an excellent cap to an excellent series.  I can't wait to see what's next.

Avengers: Endgame Review (No Spoilers)

Wow.

A Quick Note About Censorship

I just saw a post on Twitter that I think is pretty indicative of modern gamer culture:

Two things:
1. Design choices are not the same as censorship.

2. Those are definitely not A cups.

Look, I hate censorship just as much as the next person, but let's be clear on what censorship actually is.  If the government prevented the entire game from being released due to the violence, that would be censorship.  If Sony or Microsoft required them to cut a lot of content before the game could be brought to their system, that might be censorship.  Heck, when the SNES version of MK1 had its blood and fatalities neutered, I was one of the people who complained about it at the time.  But that's not what happening here.

If the game had already been released in Japan, and they decided to give the characters more modest outfits in the states, I could see it being called censorship.  Then again, localization choices aren't always censorship either.  A lot of games tweak outfits, backgrounds, and other elements between countries, just to make them more relatable to that country's audience.  Sometimes those choices result in less skin being shown, even if modesty wasn't really the reason for the change.

Look, I'm not offended by nudity in video games.  In fact, it bothers me that nudity is a bigger target for censorship than violence.  It amazes me how American culture is so unfazed by graphic murders, but treats the natural human body like it's some disgusting monstrosity.  You can show a woman getting her breast ripped off, as long as you don't show the nipple.  It's a bizarre set of priorities.

So believe me when I say I'm not trying to defend censorship, or prevent games from showing nudity.  But giving women more realistic body proportions, and designing more modest outfits in a video game sequel?  That's not censorship, that's just a design choice.  Nothing was created then removed, they just didn't create what you personally wanted.

Go find some other stupid cause to picket.

Shazam!

S'alright.

Shazam! doesn't take itself too seriously.  It feels like an 80s super hero movie with modern special effects.  The main reason to see this one is for its humor, which is great in some places, but falls flat in others. 

It is a kid's movie.  In fact, I was surprised by two or three scenes I felt were too much for younger children.  It was so close to being a perfect family film, that I'm not sure why they crossed that line.  I'm usually not one for censorship, but there were a couple of scary scenes and curse words that could have been toned down without the movie suffering at all.

When "Transformers: The Movie" came out in the 80s, they threw in a couple of superfluous curse words just to make sure it got a PG rating.  They wanted to make sure kids brought their parents so they could point out the toys they wanted.  I'd almost think the same thing happened in Shazam!, but do people still drop their little kids off at the theater any more?

The craziest thing is that out of all the modern DC movies, this silly movie has the best villain.  It's a low bar, sure, but Dr. Sivana was much better than the most recent Lex Luthor, Doomsday, Steppenwolf, Ares, Incubus, or any of the villains in Aquaman.  Sivana had a deeper backstory, better acting, and a pretty cool look.  It's amazing they wasted him on such a shallow movie.

The pacing of the movie felt a little off.  It felt like the climax started halfway through, and then the finale went on and on forever.  It was still exciting and funny, but it just felt like an unusually long final fight.

Overall, it's a decent film, I'm just not sure who the target audience is.  I'm glad I saw it, but I don't think I'll ever watch it again.

That Star Wars Trailer - Initial Thoughts

So, everybody's talking about the new teaser trailer for "Star Wars Episode XI: The Rise of Skywalker".

Looks good.  As usual, this first teaser didn't show very much, so I really don't know what to expect from the plot.  It didn't really blow me away with new visual experiences like a lot of Star Wars trailers do.  Heck, a fair amount of the trailer looked like it could have been made from deleted scenes from the last two movies.  But it has a feel to it that I like, and overall it just looks like it's going to be better written than The Last Jedi.

What I want from this movie:  Of course I want closure, but I also want it to validate TLJ.  So many people just want to retcon TLJ out of existence, but I'm hoping this movie is written to where TLJ actually has a point.  Basically I want it to build off of TLJ in such a way that if you were to remove TLJ from the trilogy, the trilogy wouldn't make sense.

FTR, I liked TLJ upon first viewing, but it's not interesting enough to rewatch much.  I'm still okay with it, it's just that it doesn't feel like it moves the story forward.  It would make a good episode of a Star Wars TV series, but as part of a GRAND TRILOGY it just felt like filler.  It has a few great scenes but it's not enough to justify the movie.

Everyone's really excited about the return of Lando, but there's even more buzz about that Palpatine laugh at the end.  Is Palpatine back?  Is he a clone?  Can Sith become Force ghosts?

Don't get your hopes up, that laugh could literally mean anything, including just a flashback.  And just because it sounds like Palpatine, doesn't mean it is.  Personally, I'm hoping it has something to do with Snoke.  One of the biggest complaints about TLJ is that it killed off Snoke before explaining who he really is.

But what if Snoke was Palpatine's Force ghost all along (only "playing dead" when he gets sliced in half in TLJ)?  Or what if Snoke was Palpatine's burned corpse, rejuvenated through some Star Wars tech, and now rejuvenated again for this movie?  What if Palpatine and Snoke were both avatars of Darth Plagueis, who is actually an ancient Sith who just keeps finding ways to come back to life over the centuries?

It would make the entire 9 part story the tale of Palpatine's rise and fall, and that would be pretty awesome.